1st December.

Or December 1st? Well the first day of the month of December.

On this day last year i was at Nairobi hospital walking in and out of the ICU ward, bed 5 to be specific.

This was the last bed she slept on. She was there for about 4-5 days? Now I am not too sure, how embarrassing, after i claimed to know exact details of this day yesterday on twitter. Anyway it was about that number of days.

She lay there not moving…life support basically doing everything for her but she looked brighter. She had this glow, the previous days were discouraging it was not hard to look at her and give up,give up prayer and hope. She looked really bad..but on the 30th and the 1st, according to me she looked great! I was hopeful. I repeated a joke she had made with me on her first day in the ICU when she could still speak. I hoped that it would just add on to those things she had heard through out the week that were meant to give her motivation to come out of the comma, to fight through and just wake up. I think she heard me…but i don’t think it was enough motivation.

I kissed her and said see you tomorrow.

And then tomorrow…..

No longer in Bed 5. The say it was early morning on the 2nd but it could very well have been on the 1st as well. Well anyway, first December is the last time i spoke to her.

They told me in the morning, we woke up to singing in our sitting room and I just knew it was all said and done. I still hoped though, and told myself to stop having negative thoughts maybe they were just inspired to have praise and worship? But you know that bond you have with your mother, the umbilical cord and all else? When she goes, it truly does feel like they have left. You feel it in your soul, in your very being. So I knew, i just wanted to be wrong.

She lay there still,wrapped in white bedding. She had a smile on her face. I think just the fact that the pain was all gone was a contributor to that smile but peace too was a factor. She was at peace.

I think December will always be one of those months that I am most vulnerable. Thank God for the Christmas spirit though, at least things will be balanced out. A little sadness and a little happiness. Hills and valleys. High times and low times. It is what life is about at the end of the day. It was never going to be a smooth journey…you just have to be able to rise above the storm. I’m far from there but very well on my way, join my bandwagon if you can relate. The best is yet to come. Death. Its not the end, well unless it is your own but only an end here on this earth. Heaven is real and yes I just insinuated that I would very much like to be right next to y’all in the choir stands in Heaven when the Lord calls us. Heaven is for us.

So its time…Let me be the first, Merry CHRISTMAS! just like in advance you know? πŸ™‚ Of course 25th will be filled with that saying from me to you. But today as well..I am feeling the Spirit , I hope you are too:)

okay now,

love and love and happy new month,


Wasn't she a beauty?
DSC_0169 Wasn’t she a beauty?




  • wangari muchori
    3 years ago

    this made me shed a tear.got emotional.stole a line too from te blog.it is well hun.xx

    • 3 years ago

      It is well!! xx

    • 3 years ago

      the fact that i can strongly relate to you on this topic through experience makes this topic oh so sentimental. I’m sure it is definitely a better place, Forever missed. ps. your mum looks so lovely πŸ˜‰

  • wangari muchori
    3 years ago


  • 3 years ago

    And she looks right down at you and she says I have my representative right there living my legacy it is well love. I just had to say a prayer

  • 3 years ago

    so touching. and yes she was beautiful :”) may she rest in peace..

  • Maya Onyango
    3 years ago

    oh Barbara, i highly doubt you remember me we were in kianda together but i was way behind you(class wise) plus we go to the same church! your mum was very beautiful i’m sure she still is may her soul rest in peace! p.s i admire your strength πŸ™‚

    • 3 years ago

      Maya, of course I remember you πŸ™‚ Thank you so much, I am sure she has received the compliment and thank you, I try πŸ™‚

  • 3 years ago

    she was!! miss sunshine!! this is great Barbie! How proud must she be??!!

    • 3 years ago

      Very Proud i hope:) There was sunshine today even, with all this snow threats,aah πŸ™‚ Thanks babe πŸ™‚ x

  • Eunice
    3 years ago

    Soo touching! You are strong gal, i admire the fact that you have naturally fit into this role. May your loving mum’s soul rest in peace!

  • 3 years ago

    A lovely piece….I’m sure she’s proud that you’re keeping her memory and her beautiful spirit alive πŸ™‚ …stay strong Barbie :-)….May her soul rest in peace.

    • 3 years ago

      Thanks Rosie,I really hope she is πŸ™‚ and i will. Amen .:) xx

  • Aunty Jessy
    3 years ago

    Baby girl your mum taught me how not to worry and live today like is the last day.I miss her but I’m happy that she is no longer in pain.She had good taste in dressing and my oh my she was beautiful and it shines in her beautiful girls just like the sun she loved most.I’m happy darling when I talk to you on FB. Love you and take care baby.

    • 3 years ago

      I am happy that she is no longer in pain too and thank you πŸ™‚ I love talking to you too,I shall write more often. Love you more aunty Jessy, i will πŸ™‚

  • 3 years ago

    She was a beauty……May her soul rest in Eternal peace…And may God continue to give you peace and strength to move through each day….
    Lovely piece Barbara

    • 3 years ago

      Thank you so much Charlene πŸ™‚ x

  • Ivy Rahedi
    3 years ago

    So beautiful hun
    Your mom sits.in heaven looking down on you
    Keep smiling πŸ™‚

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