Or December 1st? Well the first day of the month of December.
On this day last year i was at Nairobi hospital walking in and out of the ICU ward, bed 5 to be specific.
This was the last bed she slept on. She was there for about 4-5 days? Now I am not too sure, how embarrassing, after i claimed to know exact details of this day yesterday on twitter. Anyway it was about that number of days.
She lay there not moving…life support basically doing everything for her but she looked brighter. She had this glow, the previous days were discouraging it was not hard to look at her and give up,give up prayer and hope. She looked really bad..but on the 30th and the 1st, according to me she looked great! I was hopeful. I repeated a joke she had made with me on her first day in the ICU when she could still speak. I hoped that it would just add on to those things she had heard through out the week that were meant to give her motivation to come out of the comma, to fight through and just wake up. I think she heard me…but i don’t think it was enough motivation.
I kissed her and said see you tomorrow.
And then tomorrow…..
No longer in Bed 5. The say it was early morning on the 2nd but it could very well have been on the 1st as well. Well anyway, first December is the last time i spoke to her.
They told me in the morning, we woke up to singing in our sitting room and I just knew it was all said and done. I still hoped though, and told myself to stop having negative thoughts maybe they were just inspired to have praise and worship? But you know that bond you have with your mother, the umbilical cord and all else? When she goes, it truly does feel like they have left. You feel it in your soul, in your very being. So I knew, i just wanted to be wrong.
She lay there still,wrapped in white bedding. She had a smile on her face. I think just the fact that the pain was all gone was a contributor to that smile but peace too was a factor. She was at peace.
I think December will always be one of those months that I am most vulnerable. Thank God for the Christmas spirit though, at least things will be balanced out. A little sadness and a little happiness. Hills and valleys. High times and low times. It is what life is about at the end of the day. It was never going to be a smooth journey…you just have to be able to rise above the storm. I’m far from there but very well on my way, join my bandwagon if you can relate. The best is yet to come. Death. Its not the end, well unless it is your own but only an end here on this earth. Heaven is real and yes I just insinuated that I would very much like to be right next to y’all in the choir stands in Heaven when the Lord calls us. Heaven is for us.
So its time…Let me be the first, Merry CHRISTMAS! just like in advance you know? 🙂 Of course 25th will be filled with that saying from me to you. But today as well..I am feeling the Spirit , I hope you are too:)
love and love and happy new month,