It is described as unpleasant.
You fear things like dogs, or snakes or failure or God but that is a different kind of fear. The one I mean is that one that is there because threat is eminent. Cancer, my dear dear cancer(key in all sarcastic intonation) caused a fear to develop in me.Death. No not my own, I haven’t really thought about mine, but my Fathers.
This is such a scary post to write, because in no way do I want that upon him and if by writing this there is negative energy then I call on it to be cast away. Don’t worry. I am not about to preach, just saying no negativity. God forbid it in every way.
I fear death. I fear his death. Is it selfish that I ask God to lengthen his life and give him many many days so that he can be there for us? Yes for us, not for him, for us? See where the selfishness comes in?
When you lose a parent and you only have one more left, losing them is something you think about. Well I do, and it scares me. I Know many are orphans and they have lived and made it through, but I don’t think I can survive such a blow. Being alone?all alone? I cannot even begin to imagine it.
But out of this fear my father and I have become very close. I am very protective over him to the point that I text him to drive safe or come home if i think he has been working too hard. We have always been close…but even closer now. We have developed a trust level and I am at that point that I feel like I can tell him every little thing. Those things we wish to hide as youth like getting a tattoo if you have strict parents or having a boyfriend if your father is the “Who are you and what do you want with my daughter” type or even the “Shot gun” owning one. ( Wait those things seem too trivial, what intense things don’t youth want to tell their parents these days?) Guys we are YOUTH. Haha..I am so used to saying teenager.
I live in fear but I guess that is another of the things I want to get rid of through this blog. Because it is silly to live in fear and then forget to live. To forget to share those special moments and to make those memories. You don’t know how many times my idle mind wanders when I email my dad and he doesn’t reply on time. and then I text my siblings and they don’t reply and I just go crazy. DO you ever go through this?Fear is not healthy. Fear makes me stressed. Living so far away from home is so hard but surprisingly I have managed, maybe it is working? The healing? Staying busy is definitely something that helps me keep that type of negativity at bay.
Don’t allow the C word to cause you to live in fear. Rather flip the coin in its face and choose to take all the positives from its doings. Fear is NOT one of those, so do away with that. Leave it all to God. He is in control.
But I shall still be selfish and ask you to say a prayer for my daddy. You know , too many prayers never hurt anyone 🙂
Thank you, Amen!!
Love and love,