And the symptoms keep kicking in…
You begin to drop them. Like a bag of hot potatoes..but more like throw them away, like a pair of torn clothes.Actually more like gold plated jewelry that you were convinced was gold until it stopped glittering.
Their true colors finally came to light and they were ugly, just despicable. Nothing you want to associate yourself with anymore. Too scared to have the nickel rust on your finger by trying to convince yourself it was once gold. You are too grown for that kind of friendship.Those kinds of friendships.
The kinds that are a one way street. The kinds that you put in all the effort. The kinds that solely depend on YOU being a part of that friendship otherwise then its existence is,well, non- existent.
I mean sure you would hang out every once in a while when YOU made the effort to plan a date but now that you think about it there was not much of substance to the friendship. Value added?If you can barely come up with two ways in which the friendship made you a better person then it was / is definitely just a convenient co relation but far from a friendship.
You see ,when
you start to feel grown,I started to feel grown, I was easily able to discern and notice the weeds in my garden of flowers and it was time to do some weeding.
When you’re younger you don’t really pay attention to some things because at that time it is all about having a good time and whose house you will be sleeping over at next. You can tell when someone is being weird but you brush it off as them being jealous or going through the motions. You give five to ten chances because they helped you enter the club the last two times you were stopped anyway or they picked you up from home. OR you’re just OBLIVIOUS. You’re such a nice soul you can never imagine that someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart. That they are just using you to get what they truly want and all else is just a facade. You’re naive and innocent, you are just out after the good in them.
But (I need to stop breaking grammar rules) then you grow up and realize that you have no space in your life for such “friends” and you have to let them go. You could barely count your friends using your hands and now they probably do not add up to 10. I hear it is part of the process.
The older you get, only those that truly matter, those who had no ill motives, those who were not around because you could hang with them when they were alone, those who were always true and hell bent on making sure that the friendship thrives, you realize that they are all you need.
Eventually, they become all you want. You build connections so deep and have elevating and growing relationships that starting the process again seems dis-inviting. (I’m not advocating for “no new friends ” by the way, sometimes those types of friends are around the corner waiting to meet you).
Recently an acquaintance(I use this with no disrespect, it just is, what it is) happened to mention how she had noticed that I had “dropped” some friends but that she thought through it I had matured a whole lot and I was not the same person I was a few years back.
While I did not technically “drop” the said friends, we had indeed become distant. Life happens sometimes and it becomes difficult to keep tabs with everyone and that is okay, what got my attention is that she had noticed growth and this led me to look back at my friendships keenly.
It was indeed true that I had dropped quite a number of fake friends without a deliberate intention to and now that I look back on it, I am glad I did.I now wanted to keep the friends that made an impact, those that inspired me, those that pushed me to the limit so that I could be great, those that scolded me when I was doing something wrong. Those that held me when relationships went south, those that forced me out of toxic relationships that I couldn’t get myself out of, those that I could hang out with without having to exert myself so much. The friends that I could go over to their houses only for us to end up taking a nap. The type of friends they write about on those Instagram quotes that have us going “Friendship goals”
Life seems much easier now. The drama that once was, is no more. The lies and deception are no more. There is no more being thrown under the bus and just swallowing it because so and so is your “friend” and she probably didn’t mean it. No more giving fifth chances to people who did not even deserve the second.
You grew up and you didn’t even know you did, I guess we are just wired that way. At one point you have to clean out your system. Just like the ocean does around this time with all the seaweed. You know who you need now and those who indirectly say “You don’t need me” get thrown out. You surely don’t need them. Many a times it is a pity, but it is never a decision you regret.
You grow up and you begin to filter out the unnecessary, you only require those that will be with you by your death bed and not those who will turn up at the funeral out of guilt because they did not return your phone call or reply to your message.
You grow up, you come of age.