I have finally come to terms with the fact that my mind never goes to sleep.Well at least of late.
While this may be encouraging if you were to look at it as ,say, that my dreams are so big that they are literally dripping out of my brain every second, then Yes! That I am constantly planning and strategizing all for the better thus keeping the turning wheels of my mind forever in motion, then absolutely YES! THAT, I don’t know, I am mentally doing my assignment and preparing for class the next day in my sleep, then of course YES!
But no…I mean yes… this is what goes through my brain in the wee hours of the night when my body has fully and completely shut down but my brain is fully awake. But No! Somehow, of late, I cannot seem to completely fall asleep both body and mind.
I mean, I may lay there as dead as a corpse only thing differentiating us being my breathing pattern but my mind is as awake as a bat in the night time.
So this is where my “no” comes in. I particularly do not think this is a good thing. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to going to bed only to feel like I was awake the whole night. I am particularly envious of my brother who falls completely asleep such that when you try and wake him up it is quite the struggle because that life in Lala Land is so good he doesn’t want to leave.
I have not been to Lala Land in weeks and how I long for it. Crave for it. Yearn for it.
While I did acknowledge that I was not completely and fully falling asleep, I never quite saw it as a major problem. I mean, I was tired the next day but not so much and I actually felt more productive because I had already planned everything in my mind, all that I needed to do was execute it.
Well until today, I have been in the house the whole day because I do not go to school on Wednesday’s and my task for work today was postponed. I was excited that I could finally get in a little rest during the day.
At about 2:45pm I decided to take a short siesta and set the alarm for 4pm which was quite unnecessary to tell you the truth. See I did go to sleep, “blanky” and everything but my mind would just not shut down. In that One hour and fifteen minutes I planned what I would do when I woke up, debated on whether I would make dinner or not, pondered on the situation at hand when it came to my love life, thought about the investment forum I was invited to and how unprepared I was, I even got as far as making a double mental note to think seriously about what I want to study for masters so that I can start the required processes.
ALL THE WHILE, I counted down how many more minutes I had of sleep. Somehow, I could tell how long my eyes had been shut and how many more minutes I had of “shut eye” to go. I literally spoke to my mind and asked it to shut down but no,it just kept going. And as they may have it, promptly at 3:59, even before the alarm went off, my eyes flew open and I jumbled to grab my phone before the alarm went off so that I could turn it off.
I literally scared myself. My “siesta” came and went and I did not sleep even for fifteen minutes.
WHAT IN THE HELL is wrong with me? Is this normal? All I want is to sleep! Have you experienced this before? I need help and no, not sleeping pills 🙁