It is a letter to heaven but addressed to just one.
The third or fourth of its kind that I have penned down.
A letter to the one who gave me life and led me through it for 20 years.
An open letter to the one whose role I now play, 4 years later.
4 years, it has been 4 years but it only feels like yesterday.
An open letter to my queen in heaven, the one I called mom.
Today as I write this, May 14th, 2017, today is your day mum.
It’s Mother’s day.
You already know that I get so emotional on Mother’s day and it is no different today.
If I had only one wish it would be to have you back but we both know that is a long shot.
The acceptance of this reality is settling in and even I know it would be crazy if you ever did.
This letter is a thank you letter.
A letter of thanks.
Of many thanks for the woman I am today because without you, it would be a different path that I would be on.
Thank you for the life you gave me and the life you let me lead.
Thank you for the lessons and the teachings.
Thank you for the tough love that had me mad at you for days, but the kind that has molded me.
Thank you mum for being my biggest supporter and number one fan.
Thank you for pushing me to be better even when at the time I thought, “Why does she have to be so hard on me?”
Thank you for never giving up on me.
Thank you for the kind words, the hugs, the kisses and even the arguments.
Thank you for ensuring that my siblings and I never lacked.
Thank you for value standards and morals that you instilled in us.
Thank you for being you, because being you has made me, me.
It has made us, us.
I could give thanks for what you were to me endlessly, but that would mean my letter never ends.
Because mum, even in your death you continue to be my guiding star.
In your absence, I push to be stronger so that they don’t have to be.
In your absence, I play your role so that the void is not so telling.
In your absence, I have morphed into mother, friend, disciplinarian, teacher, you name it.
I have quickly transformed into an almost- you, so that this your family here, does not miss you too much.
We miss you dearly, don’t get me wrong but to be void of the pain of your absence is a feeling we long for. Not to forget you, but to be rid of the longing, the if’s, the maybe’s, to be rid of the pain of your absence.
But those are feeling for another day,
Today I give thanks.
Thank you for being the best we ever had!
Now while I want to send this right away, I will probably hold off until tomorrow.
Because tomorrow is your day too,
We did not forget, we never do.
It is probably going to be a big party up there when I post this and rightfully so, a party befitting a queen like you.
I wonder if birthdays are a thing in heaven but while we are here, we will continue to celebrate yours.
So here’s to you,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU.
Rest in sweet peace until we meet again.
Love and Love,