We are officially halfway through the year and for some reason I’m feeling a new burst of energy coming through me. Literally, I can feel it in my bones 🙂 The last time I employed my writing skills was in January and to be honest if it was not for the excitement that comes with a new year, I probably wouldn’t have written anything.
Last year September, I decided to take on my masters which meant moving across the world (dramatic, it’s just 8 hours away). I was excited! I have always had a special place in my heart for education and books and all that jazz. It’s not that I’m a genius but mostly because it seems to pose a new challenge. I like challenges. What I hold even more dear and I like a whole lot more is travel. Traveling brings me alive. This move meant more travel. Books and travel. I was truly excited! 10 months in and I have had the time of my life but at the same time it has been one of the most challenging times.
God! We are working on our relationship. I am working on our relationship. The shy girl that sits at the back of the church stepped out of her comfort zone and attended bible study. She loved it. I’m going to be more involved. That is for sure. This building energy among young people about the things of God is so exciting. Truly we must live our days for Him. He is so faithful, that, I can tell you for free.
Travel! GIIIIIIIIRL, my wanderlust is just thriving! 30 Pounds on return trips! Man, as far as my reasons go for why I love being here, this has got to be the best of them all. Cheap Travel. Africa needs to do something about making it financially easier for us to travel within the continent.
Opportunities. London is that place. Opportunities knocking left ,right and centre if you are well poised and positioned to take them up. My mantra has always been that “Opportunities dance with those on the dance floor.” So go on, make sure you’re always on there. Ready to dance 🙂
Books read. I set out to read 20 books this year. I’m proud to announce that I’m halfway through! I might just make it this time! My best reads this half have been as below, with Obama’s and Selasi’s being my absolute favourite. Both have sparked relatable emotions. Thick with relevance for one reason or the other.
Focus — Daniel Goleman
Give and Take — Adam Grant
We’re Going To Need More Wine — Gabrielle Union
Dreams From My Father — Barrack Obama
Ghana Must Go — Taiye Selasi
Beyonce! I watched the woman live in concert! Amazing. She brought it! I still think I need to watch her perform on her own though. Full concert, just her. This time sharing business she had with her husband I was not feeling it. Especially because I know close to none of his music. Still, an experience and a half!
The mother of it all. Change.
Away from my comfort zone and my support system, I have been stretched this way and that way. I lost the energy and motivation to write, something that I thoroughly enjoy. I just couldn’t be asked. But deeper still I faced the trials of #adulting. The good was really good, but it wasn’t enough to lift me completely up. I went through ten thousand emotions and more, I nearly experienced it all.
A few things that I picked up.
For one, money was constantly on my mind. I didn’t realise how much stress money can cause you until I got here. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that it isn’t available. I wouldn’t have been up and about as much as I have responding to all my wanderlust cravings. God has provided. But there’s a way that it is a prominent factor that it never was before. I don’t know whether it’s the level of consumerism here, Kenya’s weaker economy compared or just, well, I actually don’t know what it is. If you study or have studied away from home, do you know what I mean? Or is it just a me thing?
All I know is that I have never thought about it on this scale. Always thinking about how I can make it, save it, invest it, grow it, budget it and whether or not I should spend it. If so, what would be the repercussions, what would I be able to do and what wouldn’t I be able to do…YOH!.. and when the plans for it don’t go as imagined, then the stress sets in. It’s uncanny how much it controls our lives and sets precedent for other decisions that we make. I guess in retrospect, I am glad that I am learning its true value and working to ensure that it doesn’t control me. That I am, instead, the one in control of it.
I have experienced loneliness. In a room full of people, I have been lonely. I have experienced loneliness even when my family and friends have been on the other end of the line, doing the best they can to make it feel like I’m still at home. I have felt lonely even when my boyfriend has truly gone over and above to make sure that I don’t feel that way. Heck, I have felt lonely in the presence of the new friends I have made here, some forever friendships from the look of things, and yet…
I turned 25 this year. Birthday’s are such a big deal for me and yet I couldn’t be asked to celebrate mine. I didn’t want to do anything grandeur. In fact I didn’t want people to know it was my birthday at all. Sad. I knew i’d been going through a slump of sorts but when I didn’t feel a thing about my birthday, I knew I had truly hit a low. I wanted to celebrate everything else, everyone else, but me.
It’s life you know? The ups and downs. I had started to think something was definitely wrong with me until I shared with my friends and we all seem to be going through the same things. GROWING through them. Life.
It’s always nice to know you’re not alone. YOU are not alone. Whatever life is hitting you with at the moment, you are not alone. It is okay. Just go and grow through it. Look out for the lesson, I promise there’s one. Also don’t go at it alone. I’m a tough cookie, I like to carry everyone. I have come to learn that sometimes, I need to be carried too. Your people, let them in, allow them to walk with you.
It has been a trying few months. I have been stretched, but now, I see a light. I am thankful I held on. It feels like a new beginning and I am ready to kick ass. I am seriously praying that this motivation doesn’t die in a week. I need it to last. I need to pick up the pace.
I guess I’m just writing to give you some encouragement. A little bit of this sunshine that I have found. It is okay if the last few months haven’t gone as planned. Here’s a chance to start a fresh. Everyday is a new chance to do better than yesterday.
It is okay to stumble and fall. What is important is that you get up and get moving. They say success comes after failure, you have to fail first. Will Smith says its called failing forward. Do not be afraid. As I write this, it almost feels like I’m saying this more to myself than to you. I guess it’s for the both of us. I’m excited. I truly am. I hope you are too. I hope I write sooner rather than later.
Excuse me if my text seems all over the place, it’s just, the motivation to write came and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. It’s easy to tell that I’ve been out of the game for a while. However, I guess that at it’s very core, that’s the essence of this space of mine here. One for raw, unfiltered and unedited writing.
Happy new month,
With so much Love,