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beautifulminds

MAAAAAY!

It is here! It is finally here…!

At this point we are basically halfway into the year, one more month but hey, potato , potatoe!

I am so excited for this month.

I am turning 23 this month and it feels like a re-birth of sorts.

It means a do-over. Another chance to do everything right. A chance to challenge myself further. To set and achieve new goals. To live.

It hit me.

It hits me.

It hits me, I never take action.

It literally hit me this time and I couldn’t ignore it.

It was about that time that I practised what I preached.

Preach wine and drink wine.Fine wine.

Because It is meant to be fine. Just fine. Like fine wine.

It will be now though and I am ecstatic!

I finally took a leap of faith. I finally let go….or rather I was pushed off the edge and I did not hold on.

It was time to take the risk. It is what life is about anyway….risk taking. Right?

This blog has recently become a Keeping Up with B sort of blog seeing as I have not exactly scaled it down to one topic that I would generally like to share about. However, I feel even this way I am still able to pass on messages on to you guys and even when I am not talking about anything serious you get to enjoy my diction, at least I hope you do. Worst case scenario where you don’t ,well there’s the future me who will read these posts one day so I guess its a win either way 🙂

I hope you have all been well though 🙂

So shall we?

I was recently reading a friend’s blog as per my usual daily routine. I live for the inspiration that comes from the lives of others through their experiences and I couldn’t thank the Internet more for providing a platform for writers to share globally, universally, entirely, I am sure you get the point I am trying to make. It really is amazing.

So yes, with my Mug of green tea and my lappy infront of me I embarked with my usual routine. First it is the fashion blogs(Can I just say that I live for fashion, If I do not have a fashion related company in the future I will have really failed myself. AND did you know that the fashion industry is very lucrative at the moment? I recently went for a conference and it was mentioned that top investors are looking into this industry. So if you are a lover, you know where the money is!) ….. then the blogs of my fellow wordpress users that I follow and finally any other blogs that I find inspiration from.

On this day, the last blog I read was Girl on Fire by Tessy and the particular post I have tagged spoke to me! Its main theme was risk taking and I cannot tell you how opportune the timing was.PERFECT if I must say.

See I recently was asked to participate in a finance challenge of sorts by my lecturer where I would work with four other individuals on a sort of research “thing” for a given company. See,I did not even know what exactly we were to do and for a while it was just a research “thing” to me.

The entire explanation he gave on the “thing” went through one ear and out the other as I was busy trying to figure out why in the hell he would choose me? Me? I was dumbfounded….I mean I was the girl who first attended his class two weeks late when I came back from Sweden and he would later discover that I was that girl who would sit somewhere in the corner of the class room and enjoy a full siesta as he taught. (Can’t blame me, afternoon classes after a heavy lunch are for the strong, the struggles I had trying to stay awake were quite REAL!)

Usually lecturers barely remember names but trust you me my name stuck, that “Abwoga you have slept too much today” after most classes required him to know my name. I still don’t know how I landed an A at the end of that semester, hah, who am I kidding, I KNOW, I read my ass off, I had to compensate for the times I slept.

So here we are, a new semester, and he decides that I make it to the list of shortlisted individuals! Again, Me?

We however did not revisit the topic and I assumed that he opted for other students after realizing that maybe I did not quite cut it.Which was fine by me!! I was convinced that I was not ready for such a challenge, that I was not well equipped with the finance knowledge I required. I just felt like I was probably the wrong fit. That was me, he on the other hand thought otherwise.

“Abwoga and Thuo, remember to see me after class,” he did not forget, he really still thinks I got this.

And then he elaborated on the “thing”…it is not just a THING, it is global, it is a competition, it is going to be intensive,it needs dedication and commitment, it needs a whole array of skills ….and he thinks I am fit for the job. Me?I am panicking. Me? All the feelings of uncertainty creep in, surely I am not made for this.

Reading Tessy’s blog however reminded me that I can never be entirely ready for anything. That, taking the risk and plunging in head first is the only sure way that will not lead to a loss. We may lose (God forbid) the challenge but the experiences gained and lessons learnt will always be a win.

The mere fact that the lecturer is convinced that I have the potential is confirmation enough that I am ready even though I feel nowhere close to ready.

We easily look down on ourselves and downplay our potential. The thought of taking risks is threatening, scary, a road which many would rather avoid. It is always easier to take the less risky path, to quit when you think you can’t possibly do it, to give up.

I can tell you though that I have found new fire, that I am scared to the bone but I am ready to take on the challenge head on.Opportunities such as these are once in a life time. Opportunities such as these do not knock twice. Opportunities find you already on the dancefloor as Tessy puts it( not exactly like this but close), meaning I am already there, so why not dance?

Our fears limit us but imagine the greatness that could come from facing them?

The CFA Institute Research Challenge is the “thing”. Check it out Here on youtube. I am more than excited to embark on this journey and I can only hope it brings out the best in each and everyone involved! Good Luck to everyone participating!!

See you in Chicago, Hopefully!

B

xx

Hey!

It has been quite the while since I last wrote. I hope you haven’t longed for me too much.Take a read 🙂

Making: Plans to go get my hair and nails did! Yeah I just went all black on you there. Is it a black thing though?To say “did” instead of “done”?By black I mean black American. Is it? All I know is that it’s cool to type like that these days, innit? Lol

Cooking: SMH at myself for the last time I was in the kitchen. It is embarrassing really.

Drinking: A lot of water and Green Tea. #Fitfam lol

Reading: A note of sorts, a letter somehow, a message for all, by Elizabeth Gilbert on my friend Aggie’s Wall and i CANNOT tell you how much it speaks to me at this particular moment. You know those type of writings that even have you scolding yourself? It is so powerful! Some of the lines she shares:

Generally speaking, people are pretty much what they show you they are — not what you wish they were.

People who behave cruelly toward you are more or less cruel people.

People who behave nicely toward you are generally nice people. (Unless they are full-on sociopaths, of course, which most people are not.)

You can almost always count on that.

That being the case, I think you’re allowed to choose what sort of people with whom you wish to spend the precious waking hours of your one rare and beautiful life.

NOTE: ONE AND RARE…that is your life. Choose wisely.

Wanting: A clean slate, start over, take two, however you may want to call it. I just feel like I need to start a fresh with many things. #Julygoals

Playing: Snapchat videos everytime! It is an addiction. #themrsherself. So Can you believe a friend though that it read “The Mr She self” how now? Where did the R go? Lol I know its a weird name but still,lol.

Wasting: No time getting on my knees to say thank you to HIM. He works in wonderful and mighty ways. May His Name be praised always!

Wishing: I had enough money to indulge in all my cravings and to satisfy all my wants. Yes WANTS, like that whole array of hair products I want to buy, and that water bottle, as well as a few new items in my closet, and……the list is endless. sigh 🙁

Enjoying: Spending my own money.(I know it contradicts the above statement, but I meant spending like….ahh read on) Not being dependent is so empowering and fulfilling 🙂 Speaking of…payday should be here, like yesterday. #cantwait

Liking: The results of positive energy. You know you have something going when all of a sudden you’re attracting a lot more like minded people your way. Those you would least expect.

Wondering: Why Some drivers on the roads can be such idiots! Just got home after battling it out with matatu and bus drivers who insist and squeezing you out of your lane just so that they can go cause more traffic ahead! However, they had not met a crazy woman with road rage like me . #sigh #nairobitrafficisdeath

Loving: The power of prayer, feeling of inner peace and happiness, surrounding of good friends and the warmness of good souls. Bless your hearts!

Marveling: At how individuals I haven’t spoken to in years have gravitated back into my life. What did I do guys? Lol 🙂 But welcome back! 🙂

Needing: A new water bottle. It is the last Item of motivation I need to work out after my newly acquired Yoga mat! I think I am finally going to be serious about this whole #fitfam life.lol

Smelling: of the Sensual Amber fragrance mist from Bath and Body works. Thanks El Jefe.

Wearing: A jumper. It gets so cold at night and living in close proximity to Limuru doesn’t help. Okay maybe not that close,but you get the picture.

Following: Blackish. I love how it depicts today’s generation. So real! Plus its a good laugh. Win.

Noticing: That I have been a lot happier this month, I guess it’s that 22 vibe ,no?

Knowing: That forgiveness is the only way to move past anything. You need to forgive yourself, the other party and the then get to stepping on with your life. No time to waste harboring dark feelings. It is time  to be strong and just forgive.

forgive

Thinking: That I have a lot to forgive myself for and that forgiving others will be so hard. I recently discovered that a great weakness of mine is that I hold grudges, I literally never forget if you wrong me. So wow, this is going to be a challenge,but I am ready, the weight of all those grudges is causing the numbers on the scale to go up. Smh, dry joke, I know, stop eyeballing me! :p

Feeling: Confused. You know that moment when you feel like your prayers have been answered but you’re not so sure because it could also be that they were supposedly “answered” so as to teach you a lesson? Dive in or nah?

Also feeling so Nostalgic for Sweden, I almost cried the other day when I saw a picture of my residence there.hmm 🙁

Bookmarking: All scholarship pages I come across, the process has began.

Opening: Elizabeth Gilbert’s page, time to soak in all those beautiful words.Find her facebook page Here 🙂

Giggling: At a picture on Instagram of a boda boda accident, I wish I could leave it on here. You would understand my giggles. Yes I am just confirming with that statement that I am not evil, I mean why would I laugh at people who had an accident? Like seriously?

I hope you all had an amazing month and that July is even brighter in all areas of your life. Remember each day is a stepping stone to a greater tomorrow, make the best of each and every one this month! Good luck and God bless you.

hello july

Happy New Month

Love and Love

B.

xx

They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.

lie

When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!

We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!

However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.

You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)

Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.

truth

Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.

Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.

You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!

How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.

I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.

I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been  factored in my five year plan of growth and success.

You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?

What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !

Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!

love and love

B.

XX

I have finally come to terms with the fact that my mind never goes to sleep.Well at least of late.

While this may be encouraging if you were to look at it as ,say, that my dreams are so big that they are literally dripping out of my brain every second, then Yes! That I am constantly planning and strategizing all for the better thus keeping the turning wheels of my mind forever in motion, then absolutely YES! THAT, I don’t know, I am mentally doing my assignment and preparing for class the next day in my sleep, then of course YES!

But no…I mean yes… this is what goes through my brain in the wee hours of the night when my body has fully and completely shut down but my brain is fully awake. But No! Somehow, of late, I cannot seem to completely fall asleep both body and mind.

I mean, I may lay there as dead as a corpse only thing differentiating us being my breathing pattern but my mind is as awake as a bat in the night time.

So this is where my “no” comes in. I particularly do not think this is a good thing. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to going to bed only to feel like I was awake the whole night. I am particularly envious of my brother who falls completely asleep such that when you try and wake him up it is quite the struggle because that life in Lala Land is so good he doesn’t want to leave.

I have not been to Lala Land in weeks and how I long for it. Crave for it. Yearn for it.

While I did acknowledge that I was not completely and fully falling asleep, I never quite saw it as a major problem. I mean, I was tired the next day but not so much and I actually felt more productive because I had already planned everything in my mind, all that I needed to do was execute it.

Well until today, I have been in the house the whole day because I do not go to school on Wednesday’s and my task for work today was postponed. I was excited that I could finally get in a little rest during the day.

At about 2:45pm I decided to take a short siesta and set the alarm for 4pm which was quite unnecessary to tell you the truth. See I did go to sleep, “blanky” and everything but my mind would just not shut down. In that One hour and fifteen minutes I planned what I would do when I woke up, debated on whether I would make dinner or not, pondered on the situation at hand when it came to my love life, thought about the investment forum I was invited to and how unprepared I was, I even got as far as making a double mental note to think seriously about what I want to study for masters so that I can start the required processes.

ALL THE WHILE, I counted down how many more minutes I had of sleep. Somehow, I could tell how long my eyes had been shut and how many more minutes I had of “shut eye” to go. I literally spoke to my mind and asked it to shut down but no,it just kept going. And as they may have it, promptly at 3:59, even before the alarm went off, my eyes flew open and I jumbled to grab my phone before the alarm went off so that I could turn it off.

I literally scared myself. My “siesta” came and went and I did not sleep even for fifteen minutes.

WHAT IN THE HELL is wrong with me? Is this normal? All I want is to sleep! Have you experienced this before? I need help and no, not sleeping pills 🙁

out of order
This will soon be my situation 🙁

B

xx