taking stock

AAAAANnnd Just like that, the year will soon be a wrap! I mean Christmas is literally next door,outchea waiting for you to light up that tree! I feel horrible for not writing as much as I wanted these past few months and instead giving you these ” taking stock” posts which y’all would quickly ignore if given the option of reading my “feels” posts but hey, Ive been one busy human being! Just like you have, which is why I know you totally understand me and thus suck it up and read these types of posts instead! For that I say THAAAANK YOU!

So let me bore you abit with an update about my life? Yas? YAAAAS! LOL

Making: Plans to attend a spin class  OR  gym at 6am on Monday with my colleagues from work! Finally I am doing something about this #FitLife I keep talking about! Abs I SEE YOU! 🙂

Cooking: Well I helped make Chapati dough, chopped carrots and checked on the rice a few times today, does that count?

Drinking: I just had a glass  plastic cup of MILK! Yes, I use plastic cups, dad got tired of the number of glasses that would be broken in a week! Glasses are for guests in our house, lol.

Reading: A LOT about the Banking Industrty! CFA Challenge things.

Wanting:  I want to hire someone to do this Content Calender that is due! #Whyme?

Playing: Words with friends on my phone whenever I have free time! I must say I’m a bit bored of the game now, on to the next one maybe?

Wishing: I had more hours in a day or more days in a week! So much to do! 🙁

Enjoying:  ADELE’s Hello! Hey boo #Fromtheotherside

Deleting: Some of the verbs on this template because I do not know what to answer *hides face in hands cheekily*

Wondering: What I should do right now, I am extremely exhausted but in the mood for a drink or two, but netflix and chill on my own sounds like a plan too. (Is it weird that I say “drink”. do i sound old?)

Loving: The fact that I have a few leave days next week, I cannot wait to SLEEP through them!!

Marvelling: STILL marvelling at that #ZOLA story! That was so trippy FAM! And that girl can tell a story BRUUUUUH!

Needing: I NEED a body massage!

Smelling: FRUITY!

Musing: Over your thought process! Quite interesting I must say, the actions that come afterwards even more! #smh #ChillBruh

Missing: Winnie Nakitare!

Crying: Over mum a lot less these days. I think I am so occupied I don’t have time for sad thoughts to run rampant in my mind. I am not sure whether this is a good or bad thing though.

And as a side note, the other day someone said let the dead take care of the dead and somehow tied this up to the bible and quoted Jesus. I was quite offended actually, them talking about how we should stop wasting our time thinking about those who have left us. EXCUSE ME WHAT? But the Bible part confused me as well…. should I have been offended? Your thoughts?

Wearing: A black maxi skirt and an orange crop top to go absolutely NOWHERE, i was just feeling myself after I got out the shower! Lol 🙂

Realizing: That I might just have road rage! I literally have conversations with myself about how silly people can be on the road sometimes! I probably appear as a mad woman talking to herself, to passengers in other vehicles! Did I just say VEHICLE? lOL.

Knowing:That SAFARICOM totally cons the hell out of me! I don’t know why I am still on that network!smh

Thinking: I need to rethink my thoughts! Hahaha…. 🙂

Feeling: Pleasantly exhausted! I must say I have really had a splendid day! Friends, kids, kitchens and oh way too much oil!Lol…#FunTimes

Opening:Excel spreadsheets pretty often these days #sigh

Laughing: At my friend Vanessa who was absolutely convinced I was a D cup! D!!!! We have been friends for about 12 years or more and all this time she thought I was D! Really boo? I might just have to reconsider our friendship at this rate!

That’s it folks, time to catch up on some series!

Hej da!

love and love


IT’S OCTOBER! Two more months to the end of the year! Two more months till i’m done with my undergrad! Two more months , just two more months!

Time has gone by so fast I can’t even begin to describe to you how much I feel like I have been left behind. I am literally running behind after time with all my belongings and I can’t seem to catch up. I swear guys , TIME waits for no man, or WOMAN! She is a woman on a mission and she is not waiting for nobody! Yes, I just feminized time, you mad bro?

I am not one bit ungrateful though for the year thus far….despite it feeling like January was yesterday ( I sometimes still tell people I came back just the other day, when It was actually been 10 months!). It really has been a great year already and there is so much more to come…..TWO more months guys, Get IN THURRR!

So lets take stock shall we?

I am Making a mental note not to complain all the time! We find ourselves complaining about anything and everything under the sun when really we could have had it much worse , you know? Thanks El Jefe for this, Im sorry!

I haven’t cooked anything of late, I need to get back into the kitchen.

I am drinking water from a 1 litre fridge jug as I type this….It is the least I can do for my fitness journey seeing as I cannot remember the last time I exercised. #Sigh

I am reading the same book unfortunately as well as an equity evaluation one for my CFA thing AND “The Bible in Fourty Days ”

I want to figure out which word to play on “Words with Friends” It is the latest app on my phone and I am determined to beat all my Challengers! However, I dont know in what world some of these words exist! Smh

Playing words with Friends….can you tell I am a bit addicted?

Wasting ,well, nothing I can think of right now.

Wishing I could have fried chicken, pork chops, fries a cheese burger and maybe some spicy wings! With water please…#HealthyLiving. lol

Enjoying my time at Brand2D…I have to say my body is taking a while to adjust to waking up before 11 and being seated for long hours and maybe I have bored El Jefe to death with my constant nagging about how I need a holiday, but I really do enjoy working here so far!

I like that I have been putting a bit effort with my fashion of late…I had become so lazy about this thing I call one of my passions but I am glad I am Back on it! I was running out of black tops and jeans!

I wonder what the next few months will look like….I had made such plans and then they were all thrown in my face and now I have to go with the wind for a bit!  Wish me luck!

I absolutely love all my sports shoes, ngomaz, all things sporty! Best Thing ever! I rarely wear anything else these days, should I be worried? I am also loving how amazing the weather has been of late! I cannot get enough of this Vitamin D guys!

Marvelling at the thought process of the guys at the office on who a “Player “is!! Really guys? Thanks @DashingDan for supporting me though! lol

Needing an Intervention right now for them! #PowerToTheWomen smh.

Smelling of my hand Sanitizer by bath and body works, has a really strong scent.

Wearing a Pink Top and Black Pants….Can you tell its one of those days that I haven’t put any effort into it?

Following Empire, Scandal, HTGAWM and Greys again! Its Series Season guys!!!! #Excited 🙂

Noticing that I can actually take part in debates if i gathered up enough courage to speak in front of people!

I know how I want many things in my life to go…getting them to go in that direction now is what is the problem! But at least phase one is covered, no?

I am thinking about how I really should read more pages of that CFA book…procastination though, she is quite something. Smh

I am feeling really lazy at the moment and remember I have that CFA book to read? DAAAAMN!

Written on: 1st October 2015

I shall probably postpone the posting of this piece now that I have already bombarded you guys with an emotional one. Thanks for all the love on there btw,,, I really appreciate it! It’s going to be alright, I know it will be. Even for you…yes you…you who has lost all hope and is drowning, I am telling you. It is going to be just fine. He promises us plans to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future, so don’t despair, hold on , stay afloat! All my love to you.

Are you guys okay though?

Its been a while since we have had a conversation.

Keep reading and stay safe!!

Love and Love




                                                   Making: Plans to get away soon. I find it therapeutic whenever I leave my niche for a few days or months and just go out somewhere and experience life in a different way.It always comes in handy when I feel like I need to take a few steps back and see how far I have come and then re strategize.

Also making new friends…..Hah, conflict is a funny thing. You find out people who were rooting for you under wraps and you build a sweet sweet friendship!

Listening: To a lot more music at the office. Thanks Thegi, Eric, Oliver, Steph and Chief 🙂

                                                 Cooking Eating: KFC meals at the office! Best clients ever! 🙂 #Satisfied

                           Drinking: If you don’t already know my staple drink, I don’t know how else to drill into you guys! :p

Reading: STILL on John Grisham! I don’t know if that gives you a picture of how busy I am? I have canceled on so many people that some think I am avoiding them. I really am not though. Life is just moving so fast.

Wanting: A holiday!

Missing: My baby brother! Can’t wait to see the child. They grow up so fast jamani!

Wasting: No time loving myself! It is the best relationship ever. That with self. Ask me and I shall tell you 🙂

Wishing:  I really wish I could go on that holiday soon enough!

Realising:  That I might just not get what I want 🙁

                                                Enjoying: MY NEW PHONE! Finally! I got my hands on a brand new baby! My struggles just got cut down by half!! Thank God.

Liking: Where I am at and thanking God everyday for it.

                                                Wondering: Whether I will ever find a more exciting office to work at compared to my current!Everyday is a new adventure at this place and it makes me want to come to work every morning! I absolutely love this space! Best working environment yet!

Loving: The feeling of butterflies in my tummy. Emotion is a crazy thing!

Marvelling: at the nerve that certain individuals have.

Needing: To arrange my room as soon as possible. My mum would have been on my back by now if she found it in its state. If I was lucky though, she would end up arranging it on my behalf ! Oh bless her soul. I love you mummy!

Smelling: Sweat Pea fragrance by Bath and Body Works thanks to my girl Terry. Thank you 🙂

                                 Wearing: Monochrome outfits this week. Lady In white, Woman in blue…Black on back. You name it 🙂

Noticing: That people who knew my mother stare at me for so long when I am not paying attention. Turns out I look like her more and more every day, something like a spitting image of her!

Knowing: That I need to get over my fear of speaking on front of large groups of people. It has reached a point that it has now become a necessity! I need to get out of my comfort zone!

Thinking: I need to mentally prepare myself for the next three months. It will be a challenge like no other. I am usually scared to the bone about new challenges but at the same time very excited because I always come out of them better than I went in.

                                                    Feeling: Fuzzy Inside after Tuesday!!

I want to write more to you and I hope this month I can do just that. I am doing everything I can to keep my creative juices flowing but the fact that I mostly write about my lifes events makes it a bit harder. I also noticed that many of you like it more when I write about personal experiences where you can almost feel the emotion as if you were me.

So,,,, how about you comment below and tell me what experiences I should talk about from a personal perspective? It can be anything and EVERYTHING. Relationships, Losses…Life experiences , ANYTHING, and I promise to write from the deepest part of my being! From that very part that makes you guys cry and read more everytime I talk about my mother. Deal?

I love you all, thank you for staying loyal to my blog and have a splendid month!! Love and Love, B!! xx


August, August……AUGUST! Can you believe it? January was a few hours ago! Evidently, its that time of the month when we need to evaluate ourselves! Take a read and have a lovely day and month!! 🙂

Making: Mental notes to avoid negative people at all costs.

Cooking:  Eating: A lot of greens lately. Cooked, Raw, all of them. My name is Barbara and I embrace the rabbit life! 🙂

Drinking: A lot of water and Raspberry Tea! Tea after dinner always makes me sleep so much better.

Reading: The last Juror, yes Im still on the same book. No, I am not proud. Yes I am that busy. #sigh

Growing: wiser by the day! Thankful!


Hoping: to write more often. I really get disappointed in myself when I don’t post anything for ages. I hope I can post more frequently than I have. I must have preempted myself too much here.

Wanting: I desperately want a new phone! I cannot deal with how much hanging my current device takes me through. Let me not get started on the number of cracks I have to peer through to view content on my phone! 🙁

Playing: JESSIE WARE. still on that. Im that girl whowill play songs over and over again until I get sick of them. lol

Wasting: no time on people who do not grow,inspire or motivate me. Bye FELICIA 🙂

Trying: to understand how it is that someone can take time off their day to send hate mail. Do you not value your time? Can you guys tell that  I am obviously upset at the smallness of some people? Ugh.

Wishing: I knew the things I know now, then! My troubles would have been split in half. However, the lessons learnt are nothing I take for granted. Experience is indeed the best teacher.

Enjoying: showing my hair some good loving! I recenty got hair products from the US delivered and I guess thats what I needed to re spark my relationship with my hair. I can’t get enough of mycurls! Yes I am one of those “Naturals” ! 🙂


Rembering: to thank GOD every day!

Liking: How much belief and visions for growth my new boss has in me. I am humbled and ready to hit the floor running 🙂 also…how cool is it that I can have two bosses at the same time? So blessed!

Wondering: whether I sound like a broken record always talking about positivity and growth and decreasing my circle. Apologies if I do though, I just need to remind the future me what things are important if I ever veer off track.

Loving: My new job!I am so excited for what the future holds.

Realising: that feeling the pain and using it to better yourself for the next phase gets you over anything, FAST! It constantly reminds you why you can’t go back to where you were before because the pain embodied in that space is nothing you want to feel anymore. What is sweeter than certainty that falling back to your old ways WILL NOT happen?


Marveling: at the power of energies and attractions.

Needing: strength to hold my tongue when some people act like they have their brains on backwards.

Smelling: of Yummy, fruity and fresh scents from Bath and Body works, H&M and Body shop! Just in case you think I drench myself in all of them at the same time, I don’t! lol

Wearing: Planning to wear: Mum jeans and dangarees a lot more often, I have fallen in love with how cute I look in them. Lol. Vanity on 100!

Following:This blog by Naisola Lenana! If you want to get the low down on Nairobi’s hidden trasures, you know where you should be clicking! Coffee dates and lunch plans have never seemed more appealing.

Noticing: THAT paying no mind to people who are constantly looking to bring you down is so damn healthy! Yall should see me, I have gained a Kg or THREE! #STRESSFREE #happy #blessed

Knowing: that God always comes through! I have testimonies from here to the ends of the world!!

Thinking: that never in a million years did I think that by halfway through this year so many things in my life would have changed. Not that I am dissappointed, not at all, just that life has a funny way of playing things out.

Feeling: EXCITED! I started working at a new organization and I am so pumped!! New environment, new people, new memories,new stories,enhanced skill sets…why wouldn’t I be pumped. Plus its the second job I have nailed all by myself. Can you tell that I am feeling so boss? lol. Also……IM WAAAY UP, I FEEL BLESSED! 🙂

Bookmarking: The thought Catalog. I love the pieces they always have.

Opening: A new chapter in my life! So excited!

Thanking: Everyone who has been a part of my journey and continues to be. Those who reach out and always have sound advice to give. Those who share experiences they had with mum that makes her memory live on. Those who offer nothing but presence and a listening ear. Those whose hearts and minds are so pure that they inspire me every day. Those whose wretchedness cause me to strive for better and even those whose hurtful words remind me never to speak ill to another person! You all are the best!

HAPPY NEW MONTH once again , hoping that your journey will be exciting, growing, inspiring, succesful and enrinching!! May God bless you !!




It has been quite the while since I last wrote. I hope you haven’t longed for me too much.Take a read 🙂

Making: Plans to go get my hair and nails did! Yeah I just went all black on you there. Is it a black thing though?To say “did” instead of “done”?By black I mean black American. Is it? All I know is that it’s cool to type like that these days, innit? Lol

Cooking: SMH at myself for the last time I was in the kitchen. It is embarrassing really.

Drinking: A lot of water and Green Tea. #Fitfam lol

Reading: A note of sorts, a letter somehow, a message for all, by Elizabeth Gilbert on my friend Aggie’s Wall and i CANNOT tell you how much it speaks to me at this particular moment. You know those type of writings that even have you scolding yourself? It is so powerful! Some of the lines she shares:

Generally speaking, people are pretty much what they show you they are — not what you wish they were.

People who behave cruelly toward you are more or less cruel people.

People who behave nicely toward you are generally nice people. (Unless they are full-on sociopaths, of course, which most people are not.)

You can almost always count on that.

That being the case, I think you’re allowed to choose what sort of people with whom you wish to spend the precious waking hours of your one rare and beautiful life.

NOTE: ONE AND RARE…that is your life. Choose wisely.

Wanting: A clean slate, start over, take two, however you may want to call it. I just feel like I need to start a fresh with many things. #Julygoals

Playing: Snapchat videos everytime! It is an addiction. #themrsherself. So Can you believe a friend though that it read “The Mr She self” how now? Where did the R go? Lol I know its a weird name but still,lol.

Wasting: No time getting on my knees to say thank you to HIM. He works in wonderful and mighty ways. May His Name be praised always!

Wishing: I had enough money to indulge in all my cravings and to satisfy all my wants. Yes WANTS, like that whole array of hair products I want to buy, and that water bottle, as well as a few new items in my closet, and……the list is endless. sigh 🙁

Enjoying: Spending my own money.(I know it contradicts the above statement, but I meant spending like….ahh read on) Not being dependent is so empowering and fulfilling 🙂 Speaking of…payday should be here, like yesterday. #cantwait

Liking: The results of positive energy. You know you have something going when all of a sudden you’re attracting a lot more like minded people your way. Those you would least expect.

Wondering: Why Some drivers on the roads can be such idiots! Just got home after battling it out with matatu and bus drivers who insist and squeezing you out of your lane just so that they can go cause more traffic ahead! However, they had not met a crazy woman with road rage like me . #sigh #nairobitrafficisdeath

Loving: The power of prayer, feeling of inner peace and happiness, surrounding of good friends and the warmness of good souls. Bless your hearts!

Marveling: At how individuals I haven’t spoken to in years have gravitated back into my life. What did I do guys? Lol 🙂 But welcome back! 🙂

Needing: A new water bottle. It is the last Item of motivation I need to work out after my newly acquired Yoga mat! I think I am finally going to be serious about this whole #fitfam

Smelling: of the Sensual Amber fragrance mist from Bath and Body works. Thanks El Jefe.

Wearing: A jumper. It gets so cold at night and living in close proximity to Limuru doesn’t help. Okay maybe not that close,but you get the picture.

Following: Blackish. I love how it depicts today’s generation. So real! Plus its a good laugh. Win.

Noticing: That I have been a lot happier this month, I guess it’s that 22 vibe ,no?

Knowing: That forgiveness is the only way to move past anything. You need to forgive yourself, the other party and the then get to stepping on with your life. No time to waste harboring dark feelings. It is time  to be strong and just forgive.


Thinking: That I have a lot to forgive myself for and that forgiving others will be so hard. I recently discovered that a great weakness of mine is that I hold grudges, I literally never forget if you wrong me. So wow, this is going to be a challenge,but I am ready, the weight of all those grudges is causing the numbers on the scale to go up. Smh, dry joke, I know, stop eyeballing me! :p

Feeling: Confused. You know that moment when you feel like your prayers have been answered but you’re not so sure because it could also be that they were supposedly “answered” so as to teach you a lesson? Dive in or nah?

Also feeling so Nostalgic for Sweden, I almost cried the other day when I saw a picture of my residence there.hmm 🙁

Bookmarking: All scholarship pages I come across, the process has began.

Opening: Elizabeth Gilbert’s page, time to soak in all those beautiful words.Find her facebook page Here 🙂

Giggling: At a picture on Instagram of a boda boda accident, I wish I could leave it on here. You would understand my giggles. Yes I am just confirming with that statement that I am not evil, I mean why would I laugh at people who had an accident? Like seriously?

I hope you all had an amazing month and that July is even brighter in all areas of your life. Remember each day is a stepping stone to a greater tomorrow, make the best of each and every one this month! Good luck and God bless you.

hello july

Happy New Month

Love and Love



They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.


When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!

We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!

However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.

You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)

Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.


Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.

Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.

You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!

How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.

I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.

I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been  factored in my five year plan of growth and success.

You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?

What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !

Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!

love and love