They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.


When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!

We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!

However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.

You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)

Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.


Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.

Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.

You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!

How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.

I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.

I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been  factored in my five year plan of growth and success.

You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?

What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !

Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!

love and love



I have finally come to terms with the fact that my mind never goes to sleep.Well at least of late.

While this may be encouraging if you were to look at it as ,say, that my dreams are so big that they are literally dripping out of my brain every second, then Yes! That I am constantly planning and strategizing all for the better thus keeping the turning wheels of my mind forever in motion, then absolutely YES! THAT, I don’t know, I am mentally doing my assignment and preparing for class the next day in my sleep, then of course YES!

But no…I mean yes… this is what goes through my brain in the wee hours of the night when my body has fully and completely shut down but my brain is fully awake. But No! Somehow, of late, I cannot seem to completely fall asleep both body and mind.

I mean, I may lay there as dead as a corpse only thing differentiating us being my breathing pattern but my mind is as awake as a bat in the night time.

So this is where my “no” comes in. I particularly do not think this is a good thing. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to going to bed only to feel like I was awake the whole night. I am particularly envious of my brother who falls completely asleep such that when you try and wake him up it is quite the struggle because that life in Lala Land is so good he doesn’t want to leave.

I have not been to Lala Land in weeks and how I long for it. Crave for it. Yearn for it.

While I did acknowledge that I was not completely and fully falling asleep, I never quite saw it as a major problem. I mean, I was tired the next day but not so much and I actually felt more productive because I had already planned everything in my mind, all that I needed to do was execute it.

Well until today, I have been in the house the whole day because I do not go to school on Wednesday’s and my task for work today was postponed. I was excited that I could finally get in a little rest during the day.

At about 2:45pm I decided to take a short siesta and set the alarm for 4pm which was quite unnecessary to tell you the truth. See I did go to sleep, “blanky” and everything but my mind would just not shut down. In that One hour and fifteen minutes I planned what I would do when I woke up, debated on whether I would make dinner or not, pondered on the situation at hand when it came to my love life, thought about the investment forum I was invited to and how unprepared I was, I even got as far as making a double mental note to think seriously about what I want to study for masters so that I can start the required processes.

ALL THE WHILE, I counted down how many more minutes I had of sleep. Somehow, I could tell how long my eyes had been shut and how many more minutes I had of “shut eye” to go. I literally spoke to my mind and asked it to shut down but no,it just kept going. And as they may have it, promptly at 3:59, even before the alarm went off, my eyes flew open and I jumbled to grab my phone before the alarm went off so that I could turn it off.

I literally scared myself. My “siesta” came and went and I did not sleep even for fifteen minutes.

WHAT IN THE HELL is wrong with me? Is this normal? All I want is to sleep! Have you experienced this before? I need help and no, not sleeping pills 🙁

out of order
This will soon be my situation 🙁



The end of yet another month. It is here. Already! Literally two more days and June is like “Hello guys, are you ready?” Everyone will be like “New month, New beginnings.” There is something about the start of a new month that gives us fire, hope, new Energy. We pick ourselves up if we had fallen the previous month and promise to walk better than we ever had. We make promises to ourselves to be greater versions of us. We make new goals and strive to achieve them. We vouch to do everything in our power so that the new month may be full of success. I find it all very exciting!

The opportunity to have a fresh start or reevaluation of our goals and setting up of new strategies to meet them is motivating. Soon it will be the end of the year and we will want to look back and document all our achievements.

I think a “taking stock” post is very much appropriate to enable us to get back on track but also to show us how far we have come and where we are going. I couldn’t think of a better time to do this Month’s post than at the end of the month.

(P.s. some of the questions do not essentially align to this whole goal and reformation thing, but it is a fun exercise any way 🙂 )

Wishing you all a beautiful June, May (Pun intended) you make the best out of it. Happy Reading my love bugs!! xx

Making :

Cooking: I haven’t been in the Kitchen in quite a while but hopefully this will improve next month. I need to improve those skills, boyfriends need to be acquired and kept. Lol

Drinking: A lot of water ! I literally say no to soda these days!

Reading: The Last Juror by John Grisham. I am reading it quite slowly with everything going on but I hope to finish it soon. BTW the promise to read the devil wears Prada, the Swedish version is still on, I just need more time !

Playing: 22- Taylor Swift 😀

Wasting: No Time.

Wishing: I could could sleep for 24 hours straight just to re energize. I am so busy of late, I barely get enough sleep and even when I do sleep, my mind is still very much awake causing a lot of fatigue the next day 🙁

Enjoying: My own company. I have not spent a lot of time alone in the past but lately I love being in my own space,just me, myself and I.

Liking: My look this month. It is amazing how outward appearance can literally change the vibes around you and bring your way new energy, motivation and power.

Wondering: What I want to study for my masters. I am almost done with my undergrad and I am looking for scholarships but I literally have no idea about exactly what I want to do.

Marveling: At how life turns everything upside down when you think you have it completely handled just to remind you to stay GROUNDED!

Needing: All of you to know that I wish you a beautiful day ahead!! :*

Smelling: I actually need to slap on some perfume and get out of the house!

Wearing: A crop TOP! Lol….I feel like I am being all Kinds of daring in this Nairobi. But who cares……22!

Noticing: That I am gonna be HELLA late if I don’t leave for work in the next two minutes.

Knowing: That it is better to always be the bigger person, because the minute the other person mans up, you feel completely silly for “acting up” and you damn right better feel silly because you honey, should have been the bigger person!!

Thinking:I am so OLD!

Feeling: TWEENNNY TWO!22

Bookmarking: The Royals! Thanks Joy.

Opening:My lock screen every few seconds, The love is mad real! Thank You 🙂

Bonus Lesson: I think these past few months what I truly learned is that you need to believe people when they tell you things. Some things may be said off the bat, jokingly or even murmured under one’s breathe, but if you got the chance to hear it, heed it! Many times we brush off what people say to us especially when they are negative things because we claim we know the person and they would never say such things but Honey they just did! And they MEAN IT!

The situation may be fixed temporarily and they themselves may even say that they did not mean it, but the things that flow out of people’s mouths freely, in terms of opinions,feelings and the likes are rarely ever false. Pay attention to these things they might save you quite a bit if you ask me.

This post felt nothing like ” Life Goals” , ”Progress” etc…but oh well, I really have to run!

Take Care

Love and Love




You can no longer stand conversations with people who seem to have their brain on backwards. Conversations about the rave that was two weeks ago make you yawn worse than a hunger yawn. You are instantly disinterested the minute the conversation does not spark mental activity in your brain.

You discover the word sapiosexual and you cannot understand where it has been all your life. It all of a sudden puts your life into perspective. You “Amen” and “Truth” to all Instagram quotes that have sapiosexual written in them! You spend an hour liking all quotes that involve mental stimulation and relationships that advocate for this . You either think or type “Relationship goals” to that picture of Bey and Jay with the “Be a Boss, Date a Boss, Build an empire ” caption.

Or just any picture with the message, like this one Boss

You’re all about the hustle and the grind and you’re all of a sudden hell bent on making it. Your mind never goes to sleep these days, you’re forever strategizing on how you are going to afford a Tom Ford and Louboutin lifestyle because you love ” the expensive  finer things in life.

You know what you want in life ,exactly how you want it and you probably have a laid out plan on how you are going to achieve it. You change your crowd and only flock with those with a similar vision. You constantly want to challenge yourself  just to see how far you can stretch. To see your potential.

Every once in a while you feel the need to go off the grid. You quit Instagram, Snapchat and even WhatsApp just for a while. To give yourself breathing space, more than that, you can’t handle the whole world keeping tabs on you all the time. You need a little privacy and therefore you go from uploading three Instagram pictures a day, each day ,every week to ONE picture for a few weeks? Months maybe? That is if you’re not ThisIsEss and you need to make that money! Ahh I admire her passion. Anywaaay….

You are comfortable with yourself. Your own company doesn’t bother you anymore. Something about always caring what the others think when you’re younger. Seeking validation in the wrong places. You can now go to Mama’s (Restaurant in Nairobi) on your own, with a good book or just a notepad and a pen to sit with your thoughts and enjoy hanging with YOU! Yourself.

You have never been more self confident. I don’t know about you guys but I always had (Still do, but I’m trying to make a point here, cut me some slack 🙂 ) people around me such that when I was alone I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to do with my time. I was always jealous of the people who could sit at a corner by themselves and be comfortable. I am one of these people now and no, we are not loners. Sometimes you just need YOU time, time for you to reflect, plan, congratulate,motivate and even scold YOURSELF. You time 🙂

You are grown now, you feel it and you only feel the need to do things and associate with people who will enable you to achieve your goals, one way or another.

I am probably sounding way too old now but don’t get me wrong, just because I feel this way doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy life anymore. Doesn’t mean I don’t have a social life any more, only that I don’t waste my time on things that do not grow me anymore. I don’t associate with people that break me constantly almost like they were being paid to do so. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I am always working towards a vision with a plan of action. No more aimless living. And is it weird that the urge to have a beautiful baby is much stronger,lol, maybe I need a boyfriend first and a wedding. (Dad, quickly advance to the next paragraph, lol)

There are many more things I could write about describing how I think I have come of age but unfortunately the words are just not flowing any more.

Let us just say that I like this stage of life that I am at right now, we all are probably here now (those of us who are my age mates of course )…I would like to think so. Are you enjoying it?I know I am. There is just something about feeling 22 and to top it all off, I decided to get a whole new look this month just to reflect the change I have gone through and I love it. It is a reminder of my progress and growth. One that currently makes me feel like I can conquer the world, who knew the power of a makeover?


Well anyway, I think I am going to have a mental block real soon. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all May babies. I hope you enjoy / enjoyed your days to the full and you received all the blessings that you deserve and that this new year is filled with all those things that you have been praying for. May all your dreams and wishes come true. May God bless you all.

P.S. I recently read a blog post from the “Heels, Heart and Heroine ” blog and learned that it is Lupus Awareness Month. Apart from what I read on the blog I do not know much about the disease but I can tell you that its not doing any better than Cancer in my books. Be sure to look it up and create awareness. I shall re blog the post on here so that those of you have not had the opportunity to read it, may do so.


Love and Love



And the symptoms keep kicking in…

You begin to drop them. Like a bag of hot potatoes..but more like throw them away, like a pair of torn clothes.Actually more like gold plated jewelry that you were convinced was gold until it stopped glittering.

Their true colors finally came to light and they were ugly, just despicable. Nothing you want to associate yourself with anymore. Too scared to have the nickel rust on your finger by trying to convince yourself it was once gold. You are too grown for that kind of friendship.Those kinds of friendships.

The kinds that are a one way street. The kinds that you put in all the effort. The kinds that solely depend on YOU being a part of that friendship otherwise then its existence is,well, non- existent.

I mean sure you would hang out every once in a while when YOU made the effort to plan a date but now that you think about it there was not much of substance to the friendship. Value added?If you can barely come up with two ways in which the friendship made you a better person then it was / is definitely just a convenient co relation but far from a friendship.

You see ,when you start to feel grown,I started to feel grown, I was easily able to discern and notice the weeds in my garden of flowers and it was time to do some weeding.

When you’re younger you don’t really pay attention to some things because at that time it is all about having a good time and whose house you will be sleeping over at next. You can tell when someone is being weird but you brush it off as them being jealous or going through the motions. You give five to ten chances because they helped you enter the club the last two times you were stopped anyway or they picked you up from home. OR you’re just OBLIVIOUS. You’re such a nice soul you can never imagine that someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart. That they are just using you to get what they truly want and all else is just a facade. You’re naive and innocent, you are just out after the good in them.

But (I need to stop breaking grammar rules) then you grow up and realize that you have no space in your life for such “friends” and you have to let them go. You could barely count your friends using your hands and now they probably do not add up to 10. I hear it is part of the process.


The older you get, only those that truly matter, those who had no ill motives, those who were not around because you could hang with them when they were alone, those who were always true and hell bent on making sure that the friendship thrives, you realize that they are all you need.

Eventually, they become all you want. You build connections so deep and have elevating and growing relationships that starting the process again seems dis-inviting. (I’m not advocating for “no new friends ” by the way, sometimes those types of friends are around the corner waiting to meet you).

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Recently an acquaintance(I use this with no disrespect, it just is, what it is) happened to mention how she had noticed that I had “dropped” some friends but that she thought through it I had matured a whole lot and I was not the same person I was a few years back.

While I did not technically “drop” the said friends, we had indeed become distant. Life happens sometimes and it becomes difficult to keep tabs with everyone and that is okay, what got my attention is that she had noticed growth and this led me to look back at my friendships keenly.

It was indeed true that I had dropped quite a number of fake friends without a deliberate intention to and now that I look back on it, I am glad I did.I now wanted to keep the friends that made an impact, those that inspired me, those that pushed me to the limit so that I could be great, those that scolded me when I was doing something wrong. Those that held me when relationships went south, those that forced me out of toxic relationships that I couldn’t get myself out of, those that I could hang out with without having to exert myself so much. The friends that I could go over to their houses only for us to end up taking a nap. The type of friends they write about on those Instagram quotes that have us going “Friendship goals”

friendhsip goals

Life seems much easier now. The drama that once was, is no more. The lies and deception are no more. There is no more being thrown under the bus and just swallowing it because so and so is your “friend” and she probably didn’t mean it. No more giving fifth chances to people who did not even deserve the second.

You grew up and you didn’t even know you did, I guess we are just wired that way. At one point you have to clean out your system. Just like the ocean does around this time with all the seaweed. You know who you need now and those who indirectly say “You don’t need me” get thrown out. You surely don’t need them. Many a times it is a pity, but it is never a decision you regret.

You grow up and you begin to filter out the unnecessary, you only require those that will be with you by your death bed and not those who will turn up at the funeral out of guilt because they did not return your phone call or reply to your message.

You grow up, you come of age.

Hey, Hi,Hej ! 🙂

In the spirit of ushering a new year into my life, I have decided to do a “coming of age story.” It will probably be in parts because knowing myself and how I have a typing disorder I will not be done after 1000 words and that is just the minimum.

So shall we?

It might not be your typical, ” I am grown now and I don’t have the energy to party till 4 am” story, but then again it just might be. I shall just let my thoughts flow and hope that I make sense.

So once you hit 20,you begin to feel quite old. You can now enter the places that are “18+ ” restricted as well as those above 21. I mean you could do the same at 19, but it doesn’t feel as good as when you’re 20. Plus 20 comes with the “above 21” one. Yes, some people break the rules for you, I mean it is just one more year to 21 right? 20 was a good age to turn, it was my best birthday yet, Yes better than my 21st, but I still did not feel grown or mature.

My 21st flew by me, I had many firsts but nothing worth writing a “coming of age” story. But it was towards the ending of my 21 years on this earth that I began to feel that I was growing. When I experienced a lot of loss and hurt, and not just from losing my mother. A lot of betrayal and shame. A lot of this and that. That is when it began.

Some things did / do not make sense to me anymore.

The typical “I feel too old to rave” was just the beginning. I now prefer to go out for decent dinners and drinks with friends and tell stories,maybe dance a little and bam,its 4 am. The night did not involve club hoping from one “heng” (Daddy calls it henging) joint to the next, or squeezing my way through to the counter to grab another drink and it surely did not involve dramatic nights that leave you questioning people’s sanity at times.

I know I know…sounds like your story too? I am convinced that this is the first sign/ symptom of growing up. I have heard this story one too many times, in different versions, intonations,tones, and now this is my version. The millionth one probably.

I mean sure we will have those mad crazy,fall in the puddle,ruin make up, sweat a lot, lose voice, partial memory loss type of nights, but only every so often. Where’s the fun when it becomes a routine?

These days 4am arrives after I have laughed my guts out because I am blessed to have the funniest friends a girl could ask for, speaking of which my life partner just has to make me laugh!I don’t make too many jokes but I do love a good laugh.

4am arrives after I have poured out the sorrows of my heart to my friends and they  have either scolded me because it was my fault or found the flip side of the coin. It finds me after we have reminisced over good times we have had, after we have given advice on different situations, after we have uplifted each other and purposed to be great,after we have elevated and motivated each other, after we have dared each other just for the fun of it and after we have moved our hips a little to the music.

There must always be dancing! It is an essential.

At the sunset of 21 I surely did begin to feel quite grown and this was only the beginning…



So I’m sat in dad’s room where the WiFi connects better and where I go when I want to think about my mother. It is 11 am and I have to run off to work in a few minutes. I think I am a bit obsessed with working all of a sudden.

Well not all of a sudden but since I got my first pay cheque. It was exhilarating! The whole process, from the moment I laid my hands on the  cheque  to depositing it to the bank, the waiting of two days for it to go via the Central Bank and then finally when I was told the money is settled in my account. It was quite the thrill!

No, not because I have never handled money, but because for once the money was MINE! That I worked for! Mine. It wasn’t much but it sure did give me quite the rush. You should have seen me paying my dad all that I owed him. I borrowed money from him the previous week with a promise to pay him back and I was so excited that I could actually pay back!! Is this how you feel when you get your first Salary? Because then I cannot wait for that day. ( It’s complicated but what I am paid is not exactly a salary,so yeah)

However, I digress.

So I’m sat here reflecting and It comes to mind that I hate being out of my comfort zone. That my strive for everything to work out as I had planned is quite real. I think I have mentioned it on here before about how I hate when things are not in order. The order that I had planned.

I get moody. I want to be alone. My plans have been ruined and it is eating me up. Now I have a headache from thinking too much about it. Why is everyone talking to me? Why do you keep asking me the same question? What in the hell is wrong with my hair? Why can’t it stay in place? I want to go home. I want to be in my COMFORT ZONE! My head is going to blow up from all the overheating. I need water. I think I need to sleep it off……..cooled off.

I might just have a problem. Or maybe I have slight perfectionist tendencies. All I know is that when I think about how moody I was afterwards,when I am in my zone, my zone of comfort, where everything works as it is supposed to, I feel silly! I feel sorry for the people around me who had to deal with my ice cold stares when they asked me something or my one word answers. The people who text me when I am in such a state and have to deal with me in that state.

It really is a pity. I need to stop obsessing over perfection. I need to get comfortable with being in situations that force me out of my comfort zone. What is life if that is the way you live it? Because things will not always be perfect! You will never always be in your comfort zone. Sure sometimes things will pan out exactly how you wanted them to and you will call it a success but then again things may not? Does then that mean it’s a failure? Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe there’s a hidden lesson in the struggle that can only be taught through “failure”, maybe you need to realize a vice about yourself that needs working on OR maybe there’s a moment that you’re not living in that needs to be lived in even if it means everything else goes wrong. Maybe out of your comfort zone is where your success lies. Maybe it is where you thrive! Where you shine brighter than any other star.

I have learned my lesson, I need to just let things BE! I keep repeating this to myself but I really need to. When you let things be, things happen, things that make you happy that you let the things be 🙂 So just let it BE, B! 🙂

FEELING 22, with all these life lessons!My Birthday is coming up and I have to say I have been feeling quite grown of late so allow it 🙂

I am ready to be thrown in to the deep. I am ready to be forced out of my comfort zone. I am ready to find success in disorganization that may only be in my head ,but that the reality is that everything is actually very much organized. Are you ready?

Come at me 🙂

Just going to leave this here, missing this life
Just going to leave this here, missing this life

Is this becoming a motivational / inspiration/ whatever else those type of blogs are called? I have no idea, I just Know that sometimes it is better to put it down in writing.It makes it easier to hold oneself accountable….and since this blog is my therapy session, why not,right?

Keep Reading,

Love and Love