“They say time’s supposed to heal you, but I ain done much healing”
I have probably spent close to three hours looking for pictures of you. Going through everything I had in my archives made me realize that behind the camera is where you liked to be! You wanted to be the one to capture the moments and keep them close! But then again the “selfie” wasn’t as big in your time….lol
I found pictures though, turns out other people liked you in front of the camera and giiiiiiiiiiiirl I know why! You stunning pretty little miss thang! 🙂
Today was hard mum, i never thought it would be, but there’s something about having you as my first thought when I wake up and you remaining just that, a thought! There’s no option to call or text, there’s no planning of dates because I miss you, nothing….just a Hello from the other side 🙁
I’m sorry my “hello” came with tears but when it comes to you my tears run through uncontrollably,especially when we are out here talking about how ” It’s been two years since…” An uncontrollable faucet…
I was absolutely unproductive today! I did nothing but stare at your pictures . Ocassionally I got distracted with the internet and its wonders but then my thoughts were quickly re-directed to you.
“Are you okay?” That had to be the hardest question I had to answer all day. How do I say yes when I mean no because im busy trying to avoid a pity party, and at the same time push back the tears at the brim of my eyelids just waiting for that trigger emotion?
It was hard, but easier than it was two years ago when I got the horrible news. Definitely easier than when I saw you wrapped up in that white linen. Much easier mum,than when I had to pay you tribute and the words were being blocked by hot tears and i really had to force myself to pull it together.Easier than when I had to let you go six feet under, alone. Much easier mum, but hard all the same.
I don’t know why you can’t be here today, I don’t know why you have to miss all my big moments, I don’t know why I don’t have the chance to tell current stories and have an ” In fact my mum said….” or “My mum was asking…”
Let me not be selfish though, I am glad PAIN is not a word in your vocabulary! That Joy, laughter and sunshine are the order of your days. I am glad that you are well. I believe that you are well.
This was me just checking in, a hello from the other side on your anniversary!
Stay well pretty,
I LOVE YOU.