Category

truth

taking stock

AAAAANnnd Just like that, the year will soon be a wrap! I mean Christmas is literally next door,outchea waiting for you to light up that tree! I feel horrible for not writing as much as I wanted these past few months and instead giving you these ” taking stock” posts which y’all would quickly ignore if given the option of reading my “feels” posts but hey, Ive been one busy human being! Just like you have, which is why I know you totally understand me and thus suck it up and read these types of posts instead! For that I say THAAAANK YOU!

So let me bore you abit with an update about my life? Yas? YAAAAS! LOL

Making: Plans to attend a spin class  OR  gym at 6am on Monday with my colleagues from work! Finally I am doing something about this #FitLife I keep talking about! Abs I SEE YOU! 🙂

Cooking: Well I helped make Chapati dough, chopped carrots and checked on the rice a few times today, does that count?

Drinking: I just had a glass  plastic cup of MILK! Yes, I use plastic cups, dad got tired of the number of glasses that would be broken in a week! Glasses are for guests in our house, lol.

Reading: A LOT about the Banking Industrty! CFA Challenge things.

Wanting:  I want to hire someone to do this Content Calender that is due! #Whyme?

Playing: Words with friends on my phone whenever I have free time! I must say I’m a bit bored of the game now, on to the next one maybe?

Wishing: I had more hours in a day or more days in a week! So much to do! 🙁

Enjoying:  ADELE’s Hello! Hey boo #Fromtheotherside

Deleting: Some of the verbs on this template because I do not know what to answer *hides face in hands cheekily*

Wondering: What I should do right now, I am extremely exhausted but in the mood for a drink or two, but netflix and chill on my own sounds like a plan too. (Is it weird that I say “drink”. do i sound old?)

Loving: The fact that I have a few leave days next week, I cannot wait to SLEEP through them!!

Marvelling: STILL marvelling at that #ZOLA story! That was so trippy FAM! And that girl can tell a story BRUUUUUH!

Needing: I NEED a body massage!

Smelling: FRUITY!

Musing: Over your thought process! Quite interesting I must say, the actions that come afterwards even more! #smh #ChillBruh

Missing: Winnie Nakitare!

Crying: Over mum a lot less these days. I think I am so occupied I don’t have time for sad thoughts to run rampant in my mind. I am not sure whether this is a good or bad thing though.

And as a side note, the other day someone said let the dead take care of the dead and somehow tied this up to the bible and quoted Jesus. I was quite offended actually, them talking about how we should stop wasting our time thinking about those who have left us. EXCUSE ME WHAT? But the Bible part confused me as well…. should I have been offended? Your thoughts?

Wearing: A black maxi skirt and an orange crop top to go absolutely NOWHERE, i was just feeling myself after I got out the shower! Lol 🙂

Realizing: That I might just have road rage! I literally have conversations with myself about how silly people can be on the road sometimes! I probably appear as a mad woman talking to herself, to passengers in other vehicles! Did I just say VEHICLE? lOL.

Knowing:That SAFARICOM totally cons the hell out of me! I don’t know why I am still on that network!smh

Thinking: I need to rethink my thoughts! Hahaha…. 🙂

Feeling: Pleasantly exhausted! I must say I have really had a splendid day! Friends, kids, kitchens and oh way too much oil!Lol…#FunTimes

Opening:Excel spreadsheets pretty often these days #sigh

Laughing: At my friend Vanessa who was absolutely convinced I was a D cup! D!!!! We have been friends for about 12 years or more and all this time she thought I was D! Really boo? I might just have to reconsider our friendship at this rate!

That’s it folks, time to catch up on some series!

Hej da!

love and love

B! XX

Death – “The end of the life of a person or an organism”

– “The termination of all the biological functions that sustain a living organism”

There are many definitions to describe death. Each one of us probably has a definition of what they think death is. That then possibly gives us 7.3 billion definitions no? However, for me the view point of death that hits home the hardest is that it can be desscribed as the “Imparmanence of one on earth”

Imparmanence! Not permanent! Not perpetual! IMPARMANENT!

I have never really thought about my death day before BUT i do mention the phrase ” Life is Short” every other day. When someone passes on, when I find myself stressing over something and even when I nearly get into an accident because a matatu (Public transport in Kenya) driver somewhere believes he owns the road. Public road! His? How? Why? Maybe let us not get into that before I completely go off topic and begin to fume over these guys. Life is short.

So back to it then….It is indeed short. Fall sick tomorrow and by Sunday there is no more you. Walk out of the house and lose your life because of a reckless driver somewhere Or….You just do not wake up.  I know….I probably sound crude, with no feelings or emotions, insensitive but it is the damn truth. You just might not be tomorrow. We already know this, I just do not know how many of us have this resonating with our being. Fully encompassing its meaning and beginning to think twice about our lives. Are you ready? For a time that you will be no more? For a time they will be no more.

As I slowly direct my thoughts about death, my death, a few minutes every day, I realize the importance of living this dear life I have to the full. With no regrets, no grudges, no stress, no what ifs. No question marks AT ALL!

I highly associate death with that of my mother and for me a big part of its meaning is influenced by her absence. The regrets I have of times that I should have spent with her, of things I should never have said to her and even those that I should have. The feeling of absence there is in the house, her absence. The feeling I get when people talk about how much I resemble her. A feeling that should essentially be a good thing and one that I am proud of , of which I am, but one that brings sad emotions, tears to my eyes. Death. I really hate thinking about death.

However, the fact that I do every day sort of shapes the direction in which I want my life to take. Getting rid of everything that burdens my heart and making ammends.

To live a full life according to me is not only to fulfil the purpose that I was put here to accomplish but with it to ensure that I lived with no burdens. I have decided to let go. I have let go of all grudges that I have ever held with others. I have forgiven and made ammends with those who hurt me. I pray for those who continue to hurt me but I make sure that from my end no hard feelings are harboured against them. I do not want to suffer lest they leave and all I had was hate and anger towards them. I purpose to ensure, that even with inevitable conflict because of our human nature, that the days do not pass by without making any reconciliations.

This life is indeed short and to live it right is essential. To live it stress free. To live it worry free. Make peace with yourself and with others. Do the things that make you happy. Say everything that you feel should be said. Sing even when you canot sing. Dance even if your expertise is in the ” White man moves ” .Love, love so deeply and do not be afraid. Laugh, Laugh out loud until it hurts, laugh until it hurts in your stomach. SMILE 🙂 Make sure that you will be able to say you have no regrets.

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When death comes knocking at  your door…..surrender. Give in because you know you have lived your life. Done your part. And now it is time to go home. To be with the almighty. Death should not frighten us….ours and that of others. As long as we have made our impact , positive impact. It is all that matters.

That said….I think I am still scared of death. What if I don’t get enough time to do everything? But that is a story for another day.

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL!

LIFE IS SHORT!

Love and Love

B.

XX

They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.

lie

When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!

We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!

However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.

You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)

Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.

truth

Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.

Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.

You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!

How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.

I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.

I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been  factored in my five year plan of growth and success.

You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?

What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !

Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!

love and love

B.

XX