It wouldn’t be doing justice if I was in the Scandinavian region and did not tour all the three countries, ergo Norway was a must!!

And so it was told that they went south of Sweden and into Norway. A week full of adventure, beauty and ‘firsts’.

Maybe I should start this one with the hashtag  #JesuisCharlie. Maybe the newspaper shouldn’t have been so satirical. Maybe the Muslims shouldn’t have taken it so personally. Maybe we should all respect the freedom of expression. Maybe I shouldn’t get into this. Maybe just maybe…but what stands out is that people died, blood was shed, someone lost their loved one, someone lost their mother. For that reason then #JesuisCharlie. May their souls rest in peace.

So my next post was going to be about the people and culture of the Danes…mostly the people. We all know that is one key point of travel ,to be able to see how a different culture operates and what not. BUT….we can’t discuss that today. I HAVE TO TELL YOU about yesterday.

So I was moving cities from my little lovely city Växjö to another little city in Sweden called Sala. See I have one more week left here so I am doing a bit of local tourism but also because the journey from Sala to Arlanda C ( The airport ) is just one hour away and you take a direct train. From Växjö however, you have to make two train changes and there is no way I can start dealing with that kind of stress when I’m trying to catch a plane.

This is why.

I really have to say though, it is not been exactly 6 months. it is like 5. something, but its easier to say 6, so 6, yes? good.

So now, I mentioned earlier how each country taught me something and impacted me in a different way. I really did mean that. It was not me just trying to add to the word count of that post. lol

okay so walk with me.

Hej! Hur mar du? ( Hey! How are you?)

I have recently been getting in touch with my inner swede and throwing in phrases here and there that I remember from the classes I took has become a common thing. I think It is because It is finally hitting home that I am leaving soon and it couldn’t be more bitter sweet.

So before I go any further, I have to let you know that the next couple of posts will have very little, if at all,anything related to cancer. But I warned you guys right? Don’t be mad…. I just have a few words for this lovely continent that is Europe and I cannot up and leave without doing it word justice.

Also, I realized that my blog will be a piece that I will review in future that will take me back to the old me and I can then use it to measure how much I have grown. It will also be the platform that enables me to relive memories for old times sake or give me a nudge when I feel stuck. Tales of my travels will be something I will definitely be happy to read again and what better way to document them than Via this blog.

So, just for January allow me to bore you with my adventures in Europe. From the beautiful countries I visited, to the lovely souls I met and even those comments that we receive as Africans that leave us wondering whether the West is really aware of anything other than the West.

This is a sad blog many a times, or at least some of you have mentioned. You say it appeals to your heart and you can relate but it still doesn’t change the fact that it is sad anyway. So lets have some fun this month and forget the real bitch that cancer happens to be. Just for one month…because trust my tales on cancer are never too happy.

okay, shall we? Yes!

stay tuned .

love and love,

B.

And so the end of the year has finally spread its wings around us. We made it, 365 days and we still here! He has been so good to us and shown us nothing but love and all we can really do is be thankful. For everything but especially so for this life.

I feel like 2014 was the year of growth for me and getting to 2015 with new skin feels really great! You know how a snake sheds? That is what I mean.

2014 started on a low for me.My mum was gone and there was no bringing her back. It is not like she took everything with her because everywhere I turned I was reminded of her. They all tried to say that it would be fine and they understood but it never seemed to get any better. They said they would be there always but a few months in it was just the four of us against death and its ugly leftovers.

Everything was so hard, from the smile I had to wear on my beautiful face (Someone made a comment about my face,seriously, people are so extra. Life is too short bruh) everyday to the fear of the dark and death that made me sleep with my lights on every night. 2014 was not looking up. My GPA dropped by 0.1 and i was devastated! I had to do my exams immediately after the burial. Do you know how hard it is to get a point 0.1?lol…especially after how I had worked my ass off for it in the previous year because I am set on graduating with honors. It was all just crumbling down on me.

But it got better, somewhere in between Prayer and good friends and the bond of family, It got better. I did not gain the weight I had lost but the rest were starting to look brighter and healthier. Dad was looking healthier. Losing your loved one is not easy and for us our bodies showed it. Soon though, we were meeting people who noticed that our faces arched better and our smiles were warmer.

And then I moved. 6 months to experience the world. It was scary….but this half year is where most of the growth took place and I can really say I have morphed into something better, someone better. I am not the me that left 5 months ago and I am not the only one noticing it. I have slowly learned to let go and let God. I have grown spiritually too. As a woman, knowing what I am worth and what I deserve, in that way also. As a sister and as a daughter. As a friend too. And for this I am ever so grateful.

They say when you travel , your perspective changes and it is like you have a set of new eyes on. Every country I visited in Europe taught me something different and I could not be more grateful. I Thank my parents profusely for this opportunity and just to let them know that what they hoped I would get out of it, I have ,that and ten times more.

I have made networks and family so close that I know I have a place to stay when I next visit France. Sweden is home now and my mum (Diana) is coming to Kenya for my graduation. Denmark is always calling and Ethiopia is my next stop over as I tick off the countries I must visit.

Also I GAINED 8kgs!!!!!! You don’t know how happy this has made me. I lost so much weight and gaining it back was such a hustle! But when you are relaxed, both body and mind. It is possible. I was about done with hearing how my butt had disappeared,lol. (pride of any African woman if you ask me!) ahhh so so happy about this one.lol

And so now we are here at the end of this year. I hope that you have had a year of growth, achievement and prosperity that has prepared you for the next one and if not then at least I hope that plans to have a better one are in place.

I believe that anything is possible. I have been afforded the opportunity to move from the impossible to the possible and I now tell you that whatever darkness is there in your life is because there is a greater light waiting to be discovered. Make peace with the dark and when you are ready, I beg of you, sought after the light because we are destined for greatness and those dark patches are only to prepare us, to give us the adequate armor.

I wish you all a prosperous and fulfilling new year. That you may make all your dreams and wishes come true and in your journey that you may remember to take a soul with you. There is strength in numbers. That you may be blessed abundantly. That you are surrounded with intense amounts of love. That in the end you will always remember to be thankful.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

love and love,

B.

2015

She said, ” Whatever you decide, make sure it is your drug of choice.” She explained that many things on this earth have a drug element to them. Where you need those things but eventually they will eat away at you and its on you to decide how fast you want to go.

Looking at it like that is quite harsh but lets make it more real. For example,something simple like dating someone. Everyone has their flaws, but are their flaws something you are ready to deal with in the long term? His smelly feet or his quick temper. He is so so cute but he is extremely lazy, Take it or leave it? He is everything you want in a man but he is not goal oriented which for you is an essential.Can you compromise? Is he your drug of choice?

In an ideal situation where you get to chose where you work, the crammed office or the comfortable office space? Black coffee or Green Tea? Smirnoff black Ice or Jack Daniels? White Wine or Red Wine? They all do something to your liver, of course not the coffee and tea but the others,and so then… What is your drug of choice?

In a supermarket, depending on how much your debit card has. I believe debit is the best way to go btw…Hustle and make your money, and then you can spend as you wish because it is YOURS! anyway, so yes, the eggs that cost 25 Sek or the ones that are 13 Sek? Frozen meals or onions to go make the meal at home? A product made purely of sugar or the same snack with less sugar? Diabetes today or next week? What is your drug of choice?

Becoming a Junky and doing drugs or occasionally taking a whiff of petrol whenever you are at the gas station. Lol

I am not sure if i have made it any clearer, I have a feeling that I have somewhat distorted the meaning or not given adequate examples. However, for me that is the best advice I have got this year that I am carrying on to 2015. Quite fitting that we had that talk only a few days ago when the year is coming to a close.

Many decisions you make in life have consequences and you only have yourself  to blame when it was not the right one. Asking myself if a certain thing would be my “drug of choice” before I make a decision on it appeals to me. If my answer is Yes then I know I shall not regret it and if it is No, then, well, I have to think real hard because if it is not something I am ready to deal with then why the hell go on and pick it you know?

haha it sounds so black and white, oh the lies of ideal situations. BUT…

I sense easier decision making in the year to come and I couldn’t be more delighted. I hate being so lost when I have to decide on something. I know that this does not mean the decisions will be made in one go but at least my vision will be less obscure. More clear.

and il drink to that, Cheers to this lovely piece of advice,

Joy I pick you as my drug of choice of a confidant and adviser,

I love you.

and my readers always!

My heart,

B.

Have you ever waited for a package so long that you underwent different stages of ” Package awaiting” ? Where phase one involves being excited that the thing is actually on the way. And phase two is where your hope is a little diminished because its been four days and the said package is nowhere near you. Phase three involves name calling and hate for the courier service and calling them out for their incompetence. Phase four is when you have completely given up and any change in the location as per the tracking number does not phase you. And then there’s phase five when you remember you actually NEED said package so now your prayers sound more like ” God I thank you for everything and I know I should be content but today I am really going to be a bit more demanding and just ask you to PLEASE get them to deliver it. I know I am asking too much but pleaase just come through” ,,,,and then you say the same prayer everyday until…..

Now you just have to say thank you! The package is in your city. FINALLY!!!!

God answers prayers. He surely does. At His own time obviously but He never lets us down. Ever. You should see the smile on my face this morning! The Christmas Spirit is very much alive and I feel like this is the time to go all out and ask Him for your heart’s desires. It was His Birthday a few days ago and I feel like He is in the giving mood.

I have to mention also that THE SUN IS OUT TODAY. Yes we have thick layers of snow and we have been dealing with negative temperatures. It probably is still negative even now but the sun is out to play and I couldn’t think of a better day to receive this package. It is like they are all rooting for me. It really is great.

Have a blessed day my lovelies….and Remember He says ” Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened” ESPECIALLY Now. lol.

okay ,

love and love

B.

Disclaimer: This post is highly unrelated to cancer, Im sorry guys but we just need some happy in our lives sometimes. Also…. I am never getting anything delivered around the holiday season again. Too much mental and emotional pain. lol

serenity

So I Know I said I wouldn’t write again soon but I couldn’t help myself but get back on here on Christmas day and officially wish you a merry Christmas. *Yes all the other wishes were unofficial*

But also, It is just the Spirit that Christmas brings with it. I was set on being miserable today because I am not celebrating Christs birth with my family and that was such a downer for me. UNTIL! I woke up this morning and the sun was shinning brighter than ever. The energy I got from that is unexplainable ,but I can tell you this, it has made me pick out my finest dress and my favorite Lipstick and I am ready to have such a grand grand day in memory of Christ!!! Oh how so wonderful He is!! and mummy too…remember the sun thing?Lol

So now , officially,

I BARBARA , would love to wish you all a Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas filled with nothing but love, Joy and happiness that surpasses all bounds. That as you enjoy and make merry you may also remember the greatness of our Lord and thank him for the Wonderful year that was. That we acknowledge that we have had bad days but it is not a bad life at all. May He be truly Praised!! and then, after that, EAT EAT EAT until you” cannot “any more!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

GOD JUL To my readers in Sweden.

I love you all,

B. xxx

Christmas

Disclaimer: Enough Grammatical errors today, but hey, Its Christmas! Who is judging? #Peace

And then there are those days that I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. The Reality is right there in front of me, its plain, black and white but I have no emotions for it. I am neither happy nor sad. It is just like nothing happened and it is another day I have to live.

It is on such days, one of them being today, that I have absolutely no content for this my space right here on the internet. I have no emotions to spill and write lengthy about. Such days do exist.

Where you feel absolutely nothing. It is not because you don’t want to keep their memories alive or even in my case let it all out in writing so that you are not burdened, No. It is just plain simple, it doesn’t seem to FEEL on that day.

It is on days like this that I will not be able to write to you not because I do not want to but because Cancer is not on my mind day in, day out. It started out that way, but like I said, it is because this month is just that month and all those emotions came flowing back with the same power the ocean does when it is returning to the shore. I had words on end to describe how I felt because it was all so vivid. It was like I was reliving the moment. I seem to have let out quite a bit though because I am calm again,the hurt is less of late. That is a good thing.

I shall write to you soon, because these days of blank emotions never last. Cancer, she always creeps up on me and when she does, I shall write. I shall not be long that I am sure.

So until then,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year my loves,

with you always,

love and love,

B.