Sometimes I write but my musings never get to see the light of day for some reason or another. I think I wrote this piece at some point in 2016 . I am not too sure why it never went up but reading it today, it seems so fitting especially as I start a new phase in life: life after my Master’s. It is just as well that we are close to the new year (okay 2 months shy, but still) and there’s no better time to start preparing for it than now. I think what I get from it now is not necessarily the presence of a physical vision board but rather the importance of having a VISION to start with. A vision coupled with a drive to see it to fruition. I hope my 22 year old self motivates you as much as she motivated me. Happy reading and all the best!
The uncertainty that curbs our 20’s can be cause for potential nervous breakdowns.
The pressure to be someone else, enough to create a diamond piece.
The constant comparison with others our age, seemingly doing big things, enough to cause blood pressure.
The picture perfect life of others painted on social media, the pathway to depression.
A time in our lives that the strength and fibre of our skin is put to test.
The options are few and far between, you either survive or you don’t.
A conscious decision has to be taken to tackle the 20’s to the ground, to learn , to take criticism ,to take life as it comes and make it work for us.
A decision to ensure that the period is exactly what it is meant to be, a learning curve, to know that as the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
But you knew that,
To know, is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge . – Socrates
I don’t know about you, but that is quite deep.
However, I agree that acceptance of the lack of knowledge is indeed true knowledge.
It is the logic that informs why it is wise to ensure that you surround yourself with people smarter than yourself, for in a setting as such, there can only be acquiring of new knowledge and growth.
You should never feel too comfortable with knowing that you are the smartest among a group of people,
that may be cause for alarm.
You will indeed be failing yourself.
How time flies.
In a few days, we will be having her memorial service.
A full year has gone by…another one.
Yet another year that we wish would have been spent in her presence.
Another year of hows and what ifs. A year of tears and laughter. Another year of sadness and happiness. All the motions that we only wish we would have gone through with her by our side.
I have not cried in a while. I forced myself to forget but also, apparently, it does get better in time.
P.s. This post has NOTHING to do with summer, lol!
Can you feel it?
The anxiety? The nervousness? That fear creeping in? The fear of the unknown? The future, what does it hold?
IT’S OCTOBER! Two more months to the end of the year! Two more months till i’m done with my undergrad! Two more months , just two more months!
Time has gone by so fast I can’t even begin to describe to you how much I feel like I have been left behind. I am literally running behind after time with all my belongings and I can’t seem to catch up. I swear guys , TIME waits for no man, or WOMAN! She is a woman on a mission and she is not waiting for nobody! Yes, I just feminized time, you mad bro?
I am not one bit ungrateful though for the year thus far….despite it feeling like January was yesterday ( I sometimes still tell people I came back just the other day, when It was actually been 10 months!). It really has been a great year already and there is so much more to come…..TWO more months guys, Get IN THURRR!
So lets take stock shall we?
I am Making a mental note not to complain all the time! We find ourselves complaining about anything and everything under the sun when really we could have had it much worse , you know? Thanks El Jefe for this, Im sorry!
I haven’t cooked anything of late, I need to get back into the kitchen.
I am drinking water from a 1 litre fridge jug as I type this….It is the least I can do for my fitness journey seeing as I cannot remember the last time I exercised. #Sigh
I am reading the same book unfortunately as well as an equity evaluation one for my CFA thing AND “The Bible in Fourty Days ”
I want to figure out which word to play on “Words with Friends” It is the latest app on my phone and I am determined to beat all my Challengers! However, I dont know in what world some of these words exist! Smh
Playing words with Friends….can you tell I am a bit addicted?
Wasting ,well, nothing I can think of right now.
Wishing I could have fried chicken, pork chops, fries a cheese burger and maybe some spicy wings! With water please…#HealthyLiving. lol
Enjoying my time at Brand2D…I have to say my body is taking a while to adjust to waking up before 11 and being seated for long hours and maybe I have bored El Jefe to death with my constant nagging about how I need a holiday, but I really do enjoy working here so far!
I like that I have been putting a bit effort with my fashion of late…I had become so lazy about this thing I call one of my passions but I am glad I am Back on it! I was running out of black tops and jeans!
I wonder what the next few months will look like….I had made such plans and then they were all thrown in my face and now I have to go with the wind for a bit! Wish me luck!
I absolutely love all my sports shoes, ngomaz, all things sporty! Best Thing ever! I rarely wear anything else these days, should I be worried? I am also loving how amazing the weather has been of late! I cannot get enough of this Vitamin D guys!
Marvelling at the thought process of the guys at the office on who a “Player “is!! Really guys? Thanks @DashingDan for supporting me though! lol
Needing an Intervention right now for them! #PowerToTheWomen smh.
Smelling of my hand Sanitizer by bath and body works, has a really strong scent.
Wearing a Pink Top and Black Pants….Can you tell its one of those days that I haven’t put any effort into it?
Following Empire, Scandal, HTGAWM and Greys again! Its Series Season guys!!!! #Excited 🙂
Noticing that I can actually take part in debates if i gathered up enough courage to speak in front of people!
I know how I want many things in my life to go…getting them to go in that direction now is what is the problem! But at least phase one is covered, no?
I am thinking about how I really should read more pages of that CFA book…procastination though, she is quite something. Smh
I am feeling really lazy at the moment and remember I have that CFA book to read? DAAAAMN!
Written on: 1st October 2015
I shall probably postpone the posting of this piece now that I have already bombarded you guys with an emotional one. Thanks for all the love on there btw,,, I really appreciate it! It’s going to be alright, I know it will be. Even for you…yes you…you who has lost all hope and is drowning, I am telling you. It is going to be just fine. He promises us plans to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future, so don’t despair, hold on , stay afloat! All my love to you.
Are you guys okay though?
Its been a while since we have had a conversation.
Keep reading and stay safe!!
Love and Love
They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.
When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!
We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!
However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.
You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)
Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.
Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.
Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.
You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!
How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.
I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.
I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been factored in my five year plan of growth and success.
You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?
What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !
Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.
Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!
love and love
So I’m sat in dad’s room where the WiFi connects better and where I go when I want to think about my mother. It is 11 am and I have to run off to work in a few minutes. I think I am a bit obsessed with working all of a sudden.
Well not all of a sudden but since I got my first pay cheque. It was exhilarating! The whole process, from the moment I laid my hands on the cheque to depositing it to the bank, the waiting of two days for it to go via the Central Bank and then finally when I was told the money is settled in my account. It was quite the thrill!
No, not because I have never handled money, but because for once the money was MINE! That I worked for! Mine. It wasn’t much but it sure did give me quite the rush. You should have seen me paying my dad all that I owed him. I borrowed money from him the previous week with a promise to pay him back and I was so excited that I could actually pay back!! Is this how you feel when you get your first Salary? Because then I cannot wait for that day. ( It’s complicated but what I am paid is not exactly a salary,so yeah)
However, I digress.
So I’m sat here reflecting and It comes to mind that I hate being out of my comfort zone. That my strive for everything to work out as I had planned is quite real. I think I have mentioned it on here before about how I hate when things are not in order. The order that I had planned.
I get moody. I want to be alone. My plans have been ruined and it is eating me up. Now I have a headache from thinking too much about it. Why is everyone talking to me? Why do you keep asking me the same question? What in the hell is wrong with my hair? Why can’t it stay in place? I want to go home. I want to be in my COMFORT ZONE! My head is going to blow up from all the overheating. I need water. I think I need to sleep it off……..cooled off.
I might just have a problem. Or maybe I have slight perfectionist tendencies. All I know is that when I think about how moody I was afterwards,when I am in my zone, my zone of comfort, where everything works as it is supposed to, I feel silly! I feel sorry for the people around me who had to deal with my ice cold stares when they asked me something or my one word answers. The people who text me when I am in such a state and have to deal with me in that state.
It really is a pity. I need to stop obsessing over perfection. I need to get comfortable with being in situations that force me out of my comfort zone. What is life if that is the way you live it? Because things will not always be perfect! You will never always be in your comfort zone. Sure sometimes things will pan out exactly how you wanted them to and you will call it a success but then again things may not? Does then that mean it’s a failure? Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe there’s a hidden lesson in the struggle that can only be taught through “failure”, maybe you need to realize a vice about yourself that needs working on OR maybe there’s a moment that you’re not living in that needs to be lived in even if it means everything else goes wrong. Maybe out of your comfort zone is where your success lies. Maybe it is where you thrive! Where you shine brighter than any other star.
I have learned my lesson, I need to just let things BE! I keep repeating this to myself but I really need to. When you let things be, things happen, things that make you happy that you let the things be 🙂 So just let it BE, B! 🙂
FEELING 22, with all these life lessons!My Birthday is coming up and I have to say I have been feeling quite grown of late so allow it 🙂
I am ready to be thrown in to the deep. I am ready to be forced out of my comfort zone. I am ready to find success in disorganization that may only be in my head ,but that the reality is that everything is actually very much organized. Are you ready?
Come at me 🙂
Is this becoming a motivational / inspiration/ whatever else those type of blogs are called? I have no idea, I just Know that sometimes it is better to put it down in writing.It makes it easier to hold oneself accountable….and since this blog is my therapy session, why not,right?
Love and Love