Tag

comingofage

MAAAAAY!

It is here! It is finally here…!

At this point we are basically halfway into the year, one more month but hey, potato , potatoe!

I am so excited for this month.

I am turning 23 this month and it feels like a re-birth of sorts.

It means a do-over. Another chance to do everything right. A chance to challenge myself further. To set and achieve new goals. To live.

It hit me.

It hits me.

It hits me, I never take action.

It literally hit me this time and I couldn’t ignore it.

It was about that time that I practised what I preached.

Preach wine and drink wine.Fine wine.

Because It is meant to be fine. Just fine. Like fine wine.

It will be now though and I am ecstatic!

I finally took a leap of faith. I finally let go….or rather I was pushed off the edge and I did not hold on.

It was time to take the risk. It is what life is about anyway….risk taking. Right?

I have heard about it and read about it from anyone who is anyone and everyone who is everyone, but I couldn’t for the life of me understand the thought process of the characters involved! Growing up to them was the worst thing that could ever happen and I myself couldn’t even begin to fathom exactly how their Cerebrum, Medulla Oblongata and all else worked! How could anyone in their right mind not want to grow up?

The end of yet another month. It is here. Already! Literally two more days and June is like “Hello guys, are you ready?” Everyone will be like “New month, New beginnings.” There is something about the start of a new month that gives us fire, hope, new Energy. We pick ourselves up if we had fallen the previous month and promise to walk better than we ever had. We make promises to ourselves to be greater versions of us. We make new goals and strive to achieve them. We vouch to do everything in our power so that the new month may be full of success. I find it all very exciting!

The opportunity to have a fresh start or reevaluation of our goals and setting up of new strategies to meet them is motivating. Soon it will be the end of the year and we will want to look back and document all our achievements.

I think a “taking stock” post is very much appropriate to enable us to get back on track but also to show us how far we have come and where we are going. I couldn’t think of a better time to do this Month’s post than at the end of the month.

(P.s. some of the questions do not essentially align to this whole goal and reformation thing, but it is a fun exercise any way 🙂 )

Wishing you all a beautiful June, May (Pun intended) you make the best out of it. Happy Reading my love bugs!! xx

Making :

Cooking: I haven’t been in the Kitchen in quite a while but hopefully this will improve next month. I need to improve those skills, boyfriends need to be acquired and kept. Lol

Drinking: A lot of water ! I literally say no to soda these days!

Reading: The Last Juror by John Grisham. I am reading it quite slowly with everything going on but I hope to finish it soon. BTW the promise to read the devil wears Prada, the Swedish version is still on, I just need more time !

Playing: 22- Taylor Swift 😀

Wasting: No Time.

Wishing: I could could sleep for 24 hours straight just to re energize. I am so busy of late, I barely get enough sleep and even when I do sleep, my mind is still very much awake causing a lot of fatigue the next day 🙁

Enjoying: My own company. I have not spent a lot of time alone in the past but lately I love being in my own space,just me, myself and I.

Liking: My look this month. It is amazing how outward appearance can literally change the vibes around you and bring your way new energy, motivation and power.

Wondering: What I want to study for my masters. I am almost done with my undergrad and I am looking for scholarships but I literally have no idea about exactly what I want to do.

Marveling: At how life turns everything upside down when you think you have it completely handled just to remind you to stay GROUNDED!

Needing: All of you to know that I wish you a beautiful day ahead!! :*

Smelling: I actually need to slap on some perfume and get out of the house!

Wearing: A crop TOP! Lol….I feel like I am being all Kinds of daring in this Nairobi. But who cares……22!

Noticing: That I am gonna be HELLA late if I don’t leave for work in the next two minutes.

Knowing: That it is better to always be the bigger person, because the minute the other person mans up, you feel completely silly for “acting up” and you damn right better feel silly because you honey, should have been the bigger person!!

Thinking:I am so OLD!

Feeling: TWEENNNY TWO!22

Bookmarking: The Royals! Thanks Joy.

Opening:My lock screen every few seconds, The love is mad real! Thank You 🙂

Bonus Lesson: I think these past few months what I truly learned is that you need to believe people when they tell you things. Some things may be said off the bat, jokingly or even murmured under one’s breathe, but if you got the chance to hear it, heed it! Many times we brush off what people say to us especially when they are negative things because we claim we know the person and they would never say such things but Honey they just did! And they MEAN IT!

The situation may be fixed temporarily and they themselves may even say that they did not mean it, but the things that flow out of people’s mouths freely, in terms of opinions,feelings and the likes are rarely ever false. Pay attention to these things they might save you quite a bit if you ask me.

This post felt nothing like ” Life Goals” , ”Progress” etc…but oh well, I really have to run!

Take Care

Love and Love

B.

xx

22

You can no longer stand conversations with people who seem to have their brain on backwards. Conversations about the rave that was two weeks ago make you yawn worse than a hunger yawn. You are instantly disinterested the minute the conversation does not spark mental activity in your brain.

You discover the word sapiosexual and you cannot understand where it has been all your life. It all of a sudden puts your life into perspective. You “Amen” and “Truth” to all Instagram quotes that have sapiosexual written in them! You spend an hour liking all quotes that involve mental stimulation and relationships that advocate for this . You either think or type “Relationship goals” to that picture of Bey and Jay with the “Be a Boss, Date a Boss, Build an empire ” caption.

Or just any picture with the message, like this one Boss

You’re all about the hustle and the grind and you’re all of a sudden hell bent on making it. Your mind never goes to sleep these days, you’re forever strategizing on how you are going to afford a Tom Ford and Louboutin lifestyle because you love ” the expensive  finer things in life.

You know what you want in life ,exactly how you want it and you probably have a laid out plan on how you are going to achieve it. You change your crowd and only flock with those with a similar vision. You constantly want to challenge yourself  just to see how far you can stretch. To see your potential.

Every once in a while you feel the need to go off the grid. You quit Instagram, Snapchat and even WhatsApp just for a while. To give yourself breathing space, more than that, you can’t handle the whole world keeping tabs on you all the time. You need a little privacy and therefore you go from uploading three Instagram pictures a day, each day ,every week to ONE picture for a few weeks? Months maybe? That is if you’re not ThisIsEss and you need to make that money! Ahh I admire her passion. Anywaaay….

You are comfortable with yourself. Your own company doesn’t bother you anymore. Something about always caring what the others think when you’re younger. Seeking validation in the wrong places. You can now go to Mama’s (Restaurant in Nairobi) on your own, with a good book or just a notepad and a pen to sit with your thoughts and enjoy hanging with YOU! Yourself.

You have never been more self confident. I don’t know about you guys but I always had (Still do, but I’m trying to make a point here, cut me some slack 🙂 ) people around me such that when I was alone I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to do with my time. I was always jealous of the people who could sit at a corner by themselves and be comfortable. I am one of these people now and no, we are not loners. Sometimes you just need YOU time, time for you to reflect, plan, congratulate,motivate and even scold YOURSELF. You time 🙂

You are grown now, you feel it and you only feel the need to do things and associate with people who will enable you to achieve your goals, one way or another.

I am probably sounding way too old now but don’t get me wrong, just because I feel this way doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy life anymore. Doesn’t mean I don’t have a social life any more, only that I don’t waste my time on things that do not grow me anymore. I don’t associate with people that break me constantly almost like they were being paid to do so. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I am always working towards a vision with a plan of action. No more aimless living. And is it weird that the urge to have a beautiful baby is much stronger,lol, maybe I need a boyfriend first and a wedding. (Dad, quickly advance to the next paragraph, lol)

There are many more things I could write about describing how I think I have come of age but unfortunately the words are just not flowing any more.

Let us just say that I like this stage of life that I am at right now, we all are probably here now (those of us who are my age mates of course )…I would like to think so. Are you enjoying it?I know I am. There is just something about feeling 22 and to top it all off, I decided to get a whole new look this month just to reflect the change I have gone through and I love it. It is a reminder of my progress and growth. One that currently makes me feel like I can conquer the world, who knew the power of a makeover?

feeling

Well anyway, I think I am going to have a mental block real soon. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all May babies. I hope you enjoy / enjoyed your days to the full and you received all the blessings that you deserve and that this new year is filled with all those things that you have been praying for. May all your dreams and wishes come true. May God bless you all.

P.S. I recently read a blog post from the “Heels, Heart and Heroine ” blog and learned that it is Lupus Awareness Month. Apart from what I read on the blog I do not know much about the disease but I can tell you that its not doing any better than Cancer in my books. Be sure to look it up and create awareness. I shall re blog the post on here so that those of you have not had the opportunity to read it, may do so.

lupus

Love and Love

B

xx

And the symptoms keep kicking in…

You begin to drop them. Like a bag of hot potatoes..but more like throw them away, like a pair of torn clothes.Actually more like gold plated jewelry that you were convinced was gold until it stopped glittering.

Their true colors finally came to light and they were ugly, just despicable. Nothing you want to associate yourself with anymore. Too scared to have the nickel rust on your finger by trying to convince yourself it was once gold. You are too grown for that kind of friendship.Those kinds of friendships.

The kinds that are a one way street. The kinds that you put in all the effort. The kinds that solely depend on YOU being a part of that friendship otherwise then its existence is,well, non- existent.

I mean sure you would hang out every once in a while when YOU made the effort to plan a date but now that you think about it there was not much of substance to the friendship. Value added?If you can barely come up with two ways in which the friendship made you a better person then it was / is definitely just a convenient co relation but far from a friendship.

You see ,when you start to feel grown,I started to feel grown, I was easily able to discern and notice the weeds in my garden of flowers and it was time to do some weeding.

When you’re younger you don’t really pay attention to some things because at that time it is all about having a good time and whose house you will be sleeping over at next. You can tell when someone is being weird but you brush it off as them being jealous or going through the motions. You give five to ten chances because they helped you enter the club the last two times you were stopped anyway or they picked you up from home. OR you’re just OBLIVIOUS. You’re such a nice soul you can never imagine that someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart. That they are just using you to get what they truly want and all else is just a facade. You’re naive and innocent, you are just out after the good in them.

But (I need to stop breaking grammar rules) then you grow up and realize that you have no space in your life for such “friends” and you have to let them go. You could barely count your friends using your hands and now they probably do not add up to 10. I hear it is part of the process.

images

The older you get, only those that truly matter, those who had no ill motives, those who were not around because you could hang with them when they were alone, those who were always true and hell bent on making sure that the friendship thrives, you realize that they are all you need.

Eventually, they become all you want. You build connections so deep and have elevating and growing relationships that starting the process again seems dis-inviting. (I’m not advocating for “no new friends ” by the way, sometimes those types of friends are around the corner waiting to meet you).

images (1)

Recently an acquaintance(I use this with no disrespect, it just is, what it is) happened to mention how she had noticed that I had “dropped” some friends but that she thought through it I had matured a whole lot and I was not the same person I was a few years back.

While I did not technically “drop” the said friends, we had indeed become distant. Life happens sometimes and it becomes difficult to keep tabs with everyone and that is okay, what got my attention is that she had noticed growth and this led me to look back at my friendships keenly.

It was indeed true that I had dropped quite a number of fake friends without a deliberate intention to and now that I look back on it, I am glad I did.I now wanted to keep the friends that made an impact, those that inspired me, those that pushed me to the limit so that I could be great, those that scolded me when I was doing something wrong. Those that held me when relationships went south, those that forced me out of toxic relationships that I couldn’t get myself out of, those that I could hang out with without having to exert myself so much. The friends that I could go over to their houses only for us to end up taking a nap. The type of friends they write about on those Instagram quotes that have us going “Friendship goals”

friendhsip goals

Life seems much easier now. The drama that once was, is no more. The lies and deception are no more. There is no more being thrown under the bus and just swallowing it because so and so is your “friend” and she probably didn’t mean it. No more giving fifth chances to people who did not even deserve the second.

You grew up and you didn’t even know you did, I guess we are just wired that way. At one point you have to clean out your system. Just like the ocean does around this time with all the seaweed. You know who you need now and those who indirectly say “You don’t need me” get thrown out. You surely don’t need them. Many a times it is a pity, but it is never a decision you regret.

You grow up and you begin to filter out the unnecessary, you only require those that will be with you by your death bed and not those who will turn up at the funeral out of guilt because they did not return your phone call or reply to your message.

You grow up, you come of age.

Hey, Hi,Hej ! 🙂

In the spirit of ushering a new year into my life, I have decided to do a “coming of age story.” It will probably be in parts because knowing myself and how I have a typing disorder I will not be done after 1000 words and that is just the minimum.

So shall we?

It might not be your typical, ” I am grown now and I don’t have the energy to party till 4 am” story, but then again it just might be. I shall just let my thoughts flow and hope that I make sense.

So once you hit 20,you begin to feel quite old. You can now enter the places that are “18+ ” restricted as well as those above 21. I mean you could do the same at 19, but it doesn’t feel as good as when you’re 20. Plus 20 comes with the “above 21” one. Yes, some people break the rules for you, I mean it is just one more year to 21 right? 20 was a good age to turn, it was my best birthday yet, Yes better than my 21st, but I still did not feel grown or mature.

My 21st flew by me, I had many firsts but nothing worth writing a “coming of age” story. But it was towards the ending of my 21 years on this earth that I began to feel that I was growing. When I experienced a lot of loss and hurt, and not just from losing my mother. A lot of betrayal and shame. A lot of this and that. That is when it began.

Some things did / do not make sense to me anymore.

The typical “I feel too old to rave” was just the beginning. I now prefer to go out for decent dinners and drinks with friends and tell stories,maybe dance a little and bam,its 4 am. The night did not involve club hoping from one “heng” (Daddy calls it henging) joint to the next, or squeezing my way through to the counter to grab another drink and it surely did not involve dramatic nights that leave you questioning people’s sanity at times.

I know I know…sounds like your story too? I am convinced that this is the first sign/ symptom of growing up. I have heard this story one too many times, in different versions, intonations,tones, and now this is my version. The millionth one probably.

I mean sure we will have those mad crazy,fall in the puddle,ruin make up, sweat a lot, lose voice, partial memory loss type of nights, but only every so often. Where’s the fun when it becomes a routine?

These days 4am arrives after I have laughed my guts out because I am blessed to have the funniest friends a girl could ask for, speaking of which my life partner just has to make me laugh!I don’t make too many jokes but I do love a good laugh.

4am arrives after I have poured out the sorrows of my heart to my friends and they  have either scolded me because it was my fault or found the flip side of the coin. It finds me after we have reminisced over good times we have had, after we have given advice on different situations, after we have uplifted each other and purposed to be great,after we have elevated and motivated each other, after we have dared each other just for the fun of it and after we have moved our hips a little to the music.

There must always be dancing! It is an essential.

At the sunset of 21 I surely did begin to feel quite grown and this was only the beginning…

B.

xx