Tag

friendships

We are 14 days into the new month and this is the first time that I have gotten a minute to sit down and log into my blog in the past one month.

I have had an interesting 3 weeks with twice the workload, twice the challenge and  half the sleep. It has been an exciting ride and I am loving every minute of it.

Every day, I learn,

I learn new things about myself.

I have learned that my soul is one that is always  a searching, that challenges give me a high and that the minute I am not on that high my motivation dwindles, I stagnate.

I am currently on a high. I have a good feeling that I will be on this high for quite a while and I LIKE that.

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Where better to take your worries than to the ocean? 

The coast is just one of those places you need for complete and utter relaxation. 

To take a beather and just be, no stress , no worries, no wahala. 

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Why not #TembeaKenya to a county you have never been to? A weekend away with friends, good food, laughter, love and a whole lot of new memories?

My thirst for travel is real and I think I am rubbing it off on my friends. I can’t seem to sit still and after Ethiopia, I still felt like I was not done. I was not “balling” enough to travel out of the country but I needed to scratch. I was itching for new adventure, new lands, I was itching to travel.

I reached out to my friend Vanessa and laid it down for her, there were no options, it was Travel or Travel. I got the ball rolling and she got the plans in place. Nyandarua county was not ready for the 10 eager young adults coming it’s way.

Only though, WE were NOT ready for Nyandarua county!!!

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They say a lie is a false statement made with all intention for it to be False.

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When we lie, we mean to lie. We have logically prepared our minds and convinced ourselves that the words that come forth from our mouths will be untrue; False!

We lie for various reasons, none that justify the deceit that is brought upon by the lies but reasons all the same. Reasons that make us feel somewhat better for the action we took by choosing to tell the lie. Reasons that make absolute sense in our heads we could almost convince others that the Lie will set you free!

However, that is just it. It does not set you free. Far from it. It plunges you deep into a hole that is so difficult to climb out of ,you almost question your very intelligence. Because with an IQ like yours, surely you would have known that no lie did ever set any man free. You should know nothing is for free, not even lies! You have to pay for those too.

You see the thing with a lie is that it prompts you to keep lying to be able to cover the previous lie and within no time it becomes a vicious cycle. I am convinced that lying is a disease of the mind that consumes you. (See what I did there? no?hmmph)

Consume?Absolutely! You see now, you have to keep lying to hold down the lie and then there after, you better goddam remember every lie you told to cover the lie,lest you get caught lying about the lie. How exhausting though and if you’re like me with a goldfish memory then you are bound to get caught because eventually you forget. That means if you’re like me, you usually avoid telling lies because it is inevitable that you will get caught faster than the thief who has 40 days.

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Now I can see all of you judging and wondering what type of vicious lie I told to prompt this post. WELL…stop JUDGING! While I did not exactly lie..I did not tell the truth and even withheld information but when you’re flat out called dishonest you need to sit down and CHECK yourself.

Everyday I learn something about myself that leads to growth and when I sat down and thought about the said situation it did turn out that the word ” LIAR” would be a perfect description of what I was being at that moment.

You see never once did I think that I was lying when it came to this particular situation. I mean I just did not tell the whole story and when questioned on a particular point, I well..lied. But you see I didn’t lie first…I just did not say anything. Hmmph, see how I convinced myself?In my opinion I was not giving complete information so as to protect the person. I however learned that there was no one I was protecting but myself. My reason to justify my lie just went out the window and realization struck!

How selfish was I being? How much more trouble was I causing and how silly was I being giving this person a chance to lose any trust they had in me. I lied with no intention of hurting the person but the repercussions went far beyond hurting the person.In fact “hurt” was the least of their worries.

I have learned my truth lesson the hard way. It is better you tell the truth even when you think that the truth will have a bad outcome rather than tell a lie that will haunt you forever because even I don’t know how to recover from this dishonesty. Sorry will not do and there’s no taking back the moment. I don’t have the opportunity to say Yes when I already said No, when Yes is what I so badly want to say now.

I am so embarrassed I would have the ground swallow me whole. I have no idea how to approach this person again because I feel like such a fool and trust me “fool” is not a category that has been  factored in my five year plan of growth and success.

You can be sure the next time I try to “protect” someone from the truth will be NEVER! Il tell it like it is even if it means falling out with someone. I would rather this consequence any day than the disease of constant lying that is a losing battle for people with goldfish memory. Why even try?

What is it with me and always writing about cliche life lessons? You’ve probably heard this one before except it was titled The Truth Shall set you Free, right? And indeed it shall !

Here is to truth saying, Always! No matter the cost or consequence. Call me out if I ever falter because I cannot put up another post like this, shaming your own self is hard man.

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor! My end destination is heaven so for sure, CAll me OUT!

love and love

B.

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And the symptoms keep kicking in…

You begin to drop them. Like a bag of hot potatoes..but more like throw them away, like a pair of torn clothes.Actually more like gold plated jewelry that you were convinced was gold until it stopped glittering.

Their true colors finally came to light and they were ugly, just despicable. Nothing you want to associate yourself with anymore. Too scared to have the nickel rust on your finger by trying to convince yourself it was once gold. You are too grown for that kind of friendship.Those kinds of friendships.

The kinds that are a one way street. The kinds that you put in all the effort. The kinds that solely depend on YOU being a part of that friendship otherwise then its existence is,well, non- existent.

I mean sure you would hang out every once in a while when YOU made the effort to plan a date but now that you think about it there was not much of substance to the friendship. Value added?If you can barely come up with two ways in which the friendship made you a better person then it was / is definitely just a convenient co relation but far from a friendship.

You see ,when you start to feel grown,I started to feel grown, I was easily able to discern and notice the weeds in my garden of flowers and it was time to do some weeding.

When you’re younger you don’t really pay attention to some things because at that time it is all about having a good time and whose house you will be sleeping over at next. You can tell when someone is being weird but you brush it off as them being jealous or going through the motions. You give five to ten chances because they helped you enter the club the last two times you were stopped anyway or they picked you up from home. OR you’re just OBLIVIOUS. You’re such a nice soul you can never imagine that someone doesn’t have your best interest at heart. That they are just using you to get what they truly want and all else is just a facade. You’re naive and innocent, you are just out after the good in them.

But (I need to stop breaking grammar rules) then you grow up and realize that you have no space in your life for such “friends” and you have to let them go. You could barely count your friends using your hands and now they probably do not add up to 10. I hear it is part of the process.

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The older you get, only those that truly matter, those who had no ill motives, those who were not around because you could hang with them when they were alone, those who were always true and hell bent on making sure that the friendship thrives, you realize that they are all you need.

Eventually, they become all you want. You build connections so deep and have elevating and growing relationships that starting the process again seems dis-inviting. (I’m not advocating for “no new friends ” by the way, sometimes those types of friends are around the corner waiting to meet you).

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Recently an acquaintance(I use this with no disrespect, it just is, what it is) happened to mention how she had noticed that I had “dropped” some friends but that she thought through it I had matured a whole lot and I was not the same person I was a few years back.

While I did not technically “drop” the said friends, we had indeed become distant. Life happens sometimes and it becomes difficult to keep tabs with everyone and that is okay, what got my attention is that she had noticed growth and this led me to look back at my friendships keenly.

It was indeed true that I had dropped quite a number of fake friends without a deliberate intention to and now that I look back on it, I am glad I did.I now wanted to keep the friends that made an impact, those that inspired me, those that pushed me to the limit so that I could be great, those that scolded me when I was doing something wrong. Those that held me when relationships went south, those that forced me out of toxic relationships that I couldn’t get myself out of, those that I could hang out with without having to exert myself so much. The friends that I could go over to their houses only for us to end up taking a nap. The type of friends they write about on those Instagram quotes that have us going “Friendship goals”

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Life seems much easier now. The drama that once was, is no more. The lies and deception are no more. There is no more being thrown under the bus and just swallowing it because so and so is your “friend” and she probably didn’t mean it. No more giving fifth chances to people who did not even deserve the second.

You grew up and you didn’t even know you did, I guess we are just wired that way. At one point you have to clean out your system. Just like the ocean does around this time with all the seaweed. You know who you need now and those who indirectly say “You don’t need me” get thrown out. You surely don’t need them. Many a times it is a pity, but it is never a decision you regret.

You grow up and you begin to filter out the unnecessary, you only require those that will be with you by your death bed and not those who will turn up at the funeral out of guilt because they did not return your phone call or reply to your message.

You grow up, you come of age.