Tag

Happy

Where better to take your worries than to the ocean? 

The coast is just one of those places you need for complete and utter relaxation. 

To take a beather and just be, no stress , no worries, no wahala. 

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For some reason, I can never post these “taking stock” posts up on time. What is wrong with me, but I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. I also think its a fun TAG to do so why then not go ahead and do your own series and leave a comment below with a link to your blog so that I can read yours as well!

Happy New Month my loves,

I am so excited for 2016, I cannot even contain myself! I don’t know if it is because I am finally done with undergrad and taking the next step in life or just the usual excitement a new year brings! What I can tell you though, is that I can almost feel the awesomeness that this year willl be, vibrating in my bones!

So I’m sat in dad’s room where the WiFi connects better and where I go when I want to think about my mother. It is 11 am and I have to run off to work in a few minutes. I think I am a bit obsessed with working all of a sudden.

Well not all of a sudden but since I got my first pay cheque. It was exhilarating! The whole process, from the moment I laid my hands on the  cheque  to depositing it to the bank, the waiting of two days for it to go via the Central Bank and then finally when I was told the money is settled in my account. It was quite the thrill!

No, not because I have never handled money, but because for once the money was MINE! That I worked for! Mine. It wasn’t much but it sure did give me quite the rush. You should have seen me paying my dad all that I owed him. I borrowed money from him the previous week with a promise to pay him back and I was so excited that I could actually pay back!! Is this how you feel when you get your first Salary? Because then I cannot wait for that day. ( It’s complicated but what I am paid is not exactly a salary,so yeah)

However, I digress.

So I’m sat here reflecting and It comes to mind that I hate being out of my comfort zone. That my strive for everything to work out as I had planned is quite real. I think I have mentioned it on here before about how I hate when things are not in order. The order that I had planned.

I get moody. I want to be alone. My plans have been ruined and it is eating me up. Now I have a headache from thinking too much about it. Why is everyone talking to me? Why do you keep asking me the same question? What in the hell is wrong with my hair? Why can’t it stay in place? I want to go home. I want to be in my COMFORT ZONE! My head is going to blow up from all the overheating. I need water. I think I need to sleep it off……..cooled off.

I might just have a problem. Or maybe I have slight perfectionist tendencies. All I know is that when I think about how moody I was afterwards,when I am in my zone, my zone of comfort, where everything works as it is supposed to, I feel silly! I feel sorry for the people around me who had to deal with my ice cold stares when they asked me something or my one word answers. The people who text me when I am in such a state and have to deal with me in that state.

It really is a pity. I need to stop obsessing over perfection. I need to get comfortable with being in situations that force me out of my comfort zone. What is life if that is the way you live it? Because things will not always be perfect! You will never always be in your comfort zone. Sure sometimes things will pan out exactly how you wanted them to and you will call it a success but then again things may not? Does then that mean it’s a failure? Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe there’s a hidden lesson in the struggle that can only be taught through “failure”, maybe you need to realize a vice about yourself that needs working on OR maybe there’s a moment that you’re not living in that needs to be lived in even if it means everything else goes wrong. Maybe out of your comfort zone is where your success lies. Maybe it is where you thrive! Where you shine brighter than any other star.

I have learned my lesson, I need to just let things BE! I keep repeating this to myself but I really need to. When you let things be, things happen, things that make you happy that you let the things be 🙂 So just let it BE, B! 🙂

FEELING 22, with all these life lessons!My Birthday is coming up and I have to say I have been feeling quite grown of late so allow it 🙂

I am ready to be thrown in to the deep. I am ready to be forced out of my comfort zone. I am ready to find success in disorganization that may only be in my head ,but that the reality is that everything is actually very much organized. Are you ready?

Come at me 🙂

Just going to leave this here, missing this life
Just going to leave this here, missing this life

Is this becoming a motivational / inspiration/ whatever else those type of blogs are called? I have no idea, I just Know that sometimes it is better to put it down in writing.It makes it easier to hold oneself accountable….and since this blog is my therapy session, why not,right?

Keep Reading,

Love and Love

B.

xx

So with Shonda playing with our emotions these past two weeks and my “holiday” or lack of it, giving me a complete headache, I had to take a trip down South. I had to take all my woes to the ocean…I had to let them go with the wind. I simply needed, to let my hair down and just exhale. Exhale all the exhaustion, stress, drama, work load, everything!

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It is in honor of female bloggers out there.We need appreciation every once in a while and this award is just for that purpose. Look at me saying “we” claiming to be a blogger here, hey! Lol. I was nominated by the writer of theafricangirl blog, Michelle okeyo. Thank you mama.

And so then, with no further ado,

(Just so you know, nominees are required to answer the following set of questions, just in case you wonder what the hell I’m doing. Okay good, Lets go)

 If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

Simba! King of the Animal Kingdom. Yes a lion is the animal I would want to be. Wait scratch that,not the lion, the LIONESS! There we go ,I got it now. Let’s face it, the Lioness is basically the one who runs the pride with the hunting and what not , the lion is just there to fend off attackers and look scary. Lol. No i’m not being an animal feminist I promise. Anywaaaaay….this cat family is where I would want to be. Why? Because of this wholeness, the power,the Leadership, the ” We made it” they exude. The ability to speak life into other animals,lol….did you read fables as a child? I want to make it in life and I want to stand tall and not be ashamed. I want to be able to command a room with my personality and speak life into others. Like the Lion, I want to lead but with humility. I want to motivate people and have them believe in themselves in an instant because I am a Lion, I am surely speaking the truth, you know? Does this come off as “too proud?” I hope not….The lion/lioness because at the moment I’m probably as timid as a mouse. We can’t be that, I can’t be that. Not today. Not in this life. You know?

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And Just look how much love she has to give…Definitely a lioness!

What legacy would you like to leave behind?

I had to Google this. Lol. I mean I generally know what a legacy is but just to be sure you know? Well the legacy I would like to leave behind is that….wow this is a bit hard. Which is a bit embarrassing. Okay okay… I want to be remembered for many things, for my want of quality output in whatever I do, for my passion for fashion, for my drive and ambition , but most of all, If you remember none of that, remember my smile. I don’t know who smiles more than I do….I have received quite the backlash for always smiling which I agree sometimes lets people get too comfortable and even gets them to take advantage. But the Smile on my face when I am having the hardest day you could possibly imagine, when I am crying on the inside, when I can’t afford to smile….My smile to you so that you may have a better day than I am having , My smile to you because no one has smiled at you that day, My smile to you that shows you that God is very much present, My smile to you not so that you like me, but because He has given me another day to smile…That is what I want to be remembered for. That I could always afford a smile….even to the ” Least of his brothers” . Matthew 25:40 ( I know it is not food or drink or even going to see someone in jail, but i think it qualifies)and even at the lowest points of my days and life.

Name one thing you love about yourself, why?

I love that I always look to see the good in others before anything else. I have been called naive and “too nice” and this has even got some to take advantage of me but I do not apologize for it. Sure I am more careful now and I make sure that my ” Niceness” is not taken advantage of , but on my first encounter with someone I always look to see the good. There are many good people out there but there are bad people too and it is unfortunate when that is the first vibe I get when I meet someone. But oh well. I love this about myself because it lets me give everyone a fair chance,no discrimination.  The case of whether I can stand one’s not so good traits after I have seen the good is another story though. Unfortunate but true.

What would you like to change about yourself or improve on?

Improve on my patience. I changed it and became a bit more patient over the months but I must admit I still get impatient many a times. With people, Slow service,myself ….I like results and I like them quick. Let’s face it though, in this life it is never always going to be the case and therefore I need to practice patience. When the waiter said 5 minutes and they take 15 minutes. When we agreed to meet at 1pm and you show up at 1:30pm. When someone has a character trait that pisses you off but you have to get through an hour or more without snapping at them because they probably can’t help it. Patience… I need to improve on that.

If you could fly for a day, where would you go?

SWEDEN! I really did fall in love with this Country and I would go back in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. Jag älskar Sverige! The people , the life , the atmosphere, the language and culture! I would agree to deal with the weather in Winter if it meant I went back to the place that stole my heart.

If you could have supernatural abilities what would it/they be?

The ability to see into the future. Not being able to know what tomorrow holds is scary for a person who likes to make sure that everything will be in order and work out as PLANNED. I’m slowly accepting that that will never be the case and it is okay. sigh!

Where would you like to live? Why?

Ummm like you don’t know my answer already. SWEDEN , duuuh! Guys…I don’t know what it is but I feel strongly for this country. I have seen a future ( Hah! Yes I got supernatural powers for a day) in Sweden. With a boyfriend/husband and a job and myself speaking Swedish. I have seen it. Amen!

If you could meet anyone, who would it be? {past, present, future}

My mother! I would do anything to see her again. To “meet” her. In the future, tomorrow, here or in heaven. To be honest if she was to come back, I would probably not be afraid. I have had dreams where she comes back, she keeps her distance ,and I’m scared at first but I accept it. Because I miss her terribly. Because I would do anything to be with my mother again. Missing you miss thing.

Why do you blog?

I blog as a form of therapy for my soul. For me AND for my readers. To help me/ us get through the painful losses in our lives by sharing and knowing that we are not the only ones out there going through something like that. Blogging allows me to let out things that I would otherwise keep in my heart for fear of scaring those close to me if I told them out rightly. For fear of making them uncomfortable. If I am being honest though…I myself would not be able to let it out in words even if someone was willing. It would be hard. But behind the screen ,this screen,It is much easier.And so….I blog.

Would you consider yourself happy?

Today? Right here and now? No….not as much as I would like to be.  I am going through something. Something because I don’t know what else to call it seeing as I do not even know what is bothering me. All I know is that I have been happier and the way I am currently feeling is not a way I want to be feeling. I have no idea what is going on to be honest. My dad is going nuts asking me what is wrong and me saying “nothing” because I do not know what else to say because I really don’t know. I mean I am not constantly gloomy and mopey… but it is obvious that I am not me. Hopefully I get over this low soon enough .

Well That’s it Folks. Once again, Thank you Michelle Okeyo for the nomination. I still Do not know how to tag on here but hopefully you get an email notifying you of this post. You know with me being on your favorites and all, you probably have me on mail too.lol. Thanks Girly.

I nominate Teshie Ogallo of the Styletech blog and Michelle Nyakiamo of Whenlifechanges and Katie of Everythingisgoingtobesuperduper 🙂 heck…..I nominate all the female bloggers following me and would love to do this ,hugs and kisses .x

To my readers…always love 🙂

B.

xx